leopold and loeb

Do We Still Need Books?

2012-01-13T09:14:00.002-05:00

So. I read an article this morning with this title, and I have to say, the fact that it is a legitimate question worries me. It made me think about all kinds of things that, frankly, I'd rather not. Like the fact that I am an avid reader and book supporter, but I do love my new Kindle. Like the fact that I will buy books just to "have them" and not read them (hello "Wind in the Willows"!*), or the fact that I firmly believe that I will NEVER have enough bookcase space. Ever.

I worry about the fact that taking a Kindle on vacation or to the beach is legitimately easier than hauling around 5 physical books. But I love physical books. I love the heft. I love the smell. I love the texture of the page. I love to buy used books because they seem to me to be older souls, they've been loved and they've been read, and I am just a part of their history, just as they may become a part of mine.

I love buying books for $.01 on amazon, I love buying books for $1 at book fairs. I hate that the modern school library is slowly but surely becoming a "media center" with more computers than bookshelves.

This is a seriously fraught subject for me. As anyone who would actually read this would know, I come from a VERY literary family. My name is from literature. BOTH of my brother's names are from literature (that is my one brother's two names. First and middle. I do not have two brothers.). As a thought experiment (or maybe he was just bored) my brother once counted all of the books in ONE room in my parents home. 1300. not counting the books on the over the door rack (i'm pretty sure it was supposed to be used for canned goods or movies or something, but my family used it as book storage. Makes perfect sense to me). Thats a lot of books. Like. A. Lot.

Books are important. A book is a tie to the papyrus scrolls of ancient Egypt or Babylon. A Kindle is not. What is the scene in Disney's Beauty and the Beast when you realize that they are meant to be? Does the Beast hand her a loaded Kindle? NO. He gives her a library. Full of BOOKS!.

But (whines) I really like my Kindle. I can throw it in my purse and have a lot of reading material with me! I can decide in the middle of my day to switch stories and not be like Rory in Gilmore Girls**. I like that I can really personalize it and not be at the mercy of the covers dictated to me by the publisher. It has happened that I will avoid a book simply because the cover iggs me out (Tina Fey's "Bossypants" anyone?".

What is the answer? I certainly don't know. I hope that children are reading real books, but I don't know that, not having any to study nearby (children that is, not books. A careful reader will know by this point that I ALWAYS have a books to study nearby). I saw a distressing YouTube video of a baby playing with an Ipad and then her parents took it away and handed her a magazine. She was stymied. She kept trying to flick the pages, and had no idea how to TURN A PAGE! granted this was a 9 month old baby, but honestly. No one had ever given this child a book to chew on? NO ONE!?!? not even Pat the Bunny!??!! What is WRONG with people?!?!?!

Sorry about that. Sometimes I get carried away.

Anyway, I guess to sum up: books are good, but so are Kindle's. And I suppose as long as people are reading and using their (insert jazz hands) Imaginations then it's really a moot point as points go.

* I never liked that book. Ever. As a kid, I just hated Mr. Toad so much that everything else was erased from the book. I honestly couldn't tell you what its about. And I bought a copy at Target because it was only $2.50

** The one scene in either season one or two when she is trying to fit all of her school books AND all of her fun books into her backpack. She has a book of poetry in case she feels like that, a fiction book, a biography and at least one more that I dont remember. And she can't fit them all in. Much to her mother's enjoyment.

2012-01-05T10:34:00.003-05:00

Year In Review

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?

Went to a cousin's wedding. Also went to a convention. Also went to Indianapolis. All three happened at the same time

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next this year?

I almost did! I almost made it through my quota this year, and I've made a new one for 2012

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Not that I can think of off the top of my head.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

unfortunately yes. My friend from college Taylor and my grandmother. Both are greatly missed

5. What countries did you visit?

Indianapolis? The midwest is like another country to me, despite the explanations from well meaning relatives.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?

a man!

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

probably the dates of Taylor's and my grandmother's deaths. Not cheerful.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I really, honestly can't think of one. I've spent at least 20 minutes on facebook trying to find any kind of "yaay i did it" type of post.

9. What was your biggest failure?

See "achievement"

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

not that I can recall, guess it wasnt that serious!

11. What was the best thing you bought?

I really like my new winter coat. After 3+ years with the old one, this new one is very nice. And it zips over my boobs!

12. Where did most of your money go?

Bills and chinese food

13. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

free food from my office? ooh, I've got it. The Hunger Games trailer. See question number 20.

Also the "Arrested Development" new season and upcoming movie!

14. What song will always remind you of 2011?

"something about this place" by lady gaga

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder?

sadder i think. I've lost people this year.

b) thinner or fatter?

fatter :-(

c) richer or poorer?

a little richer since i got a raise!

16. What do you wish you’d done more of?

fulfilling my quota

17. What do you wish you’d done less of?

sneeze

18. Did you fall in love in 2011?

nope

19. What was your favorite TV program?

leverage, once upon a time, extreme couponing, ghost hunters

20. What was the best book you read?

The Hunger Games! SO GOOD! I've read all three at least 3 times through by now

21. What was your favorite film of this year?

Bridesmaids, the King's Speech, the Muppets,

22. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

Went on a murder mystery dinner cruise but had a massive allergy attack. I was 26

23. What kept you sane?

medication

24. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Probably still Christian Kane from Leverage. Though friends at work and I did a "hall pass 5" discussion and that also included Ryan Gosling and Ryan Reynolds

25. Who was the best new person you met?

Katie, Brooke, Paige. (notice there are no guys that made that list. Hope to change that in 2012)

Non-Depressing Blog Post

2011-08-01T10:32:00.002-04:00

OK, I know that I've had some seriously depressing blogs of late, but hey, thats how the cookie crumbles. Deal with it.

Anyway, this is the light-hearted "what I want for my birthday" post! be happy!

So, since I'm doing a big Mystery Dinner cruise for the b-day and its a bit expensive, I'm not asking for anything from my friends who will be attending. For you other suckers I present this list.

CDS:

Adele 21

Imelda May Mayhem

Books:

"Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk: a modest bestiary" by David Sedaris

Mrs. Polifax books

Randomness:

Zebra PillowPet (yes they do exist!)

It's a modest list, but I really want for not much in my life at the moment. Except for a cup of coffee because I am super tired this morning!

Stress

2011-06-20T15:33:00.002-04:00

Since Saturday night I have been dwelling off and on about my grandmother. On Saturday night I got the news that she had been in the ICU for 4 days with pneumonia. Today she was moved into "intermediate care" which is the halfway point between ICU and regular care.

The reason that I got the news so late was that she had made my father and his siblings promise not to tell anyone. This is very much in keeping with her personality though not exactly comforting. I hate to think that I was having fun while someone I love was in pain.

I keep churning over and over in my mind all the worst kinds of thoughts and all of the memories that I will use to recount her life. I can't help worrying that I won't need to find a hillarious christmas present or be able to take her to the opera this summer.

Though I know that she is 85, I've never thought of her leaving. She's supposed to live to see the cousins get married. She's supposed to live to see at least her first great-grandchild, as her own mother did. She's not supposed to leave yet.

I don't think I'll ever be ready for a death, but I'm really not ready now! People keep telling me to keep my mind off of it, or to stop dwelling on it. It's probably good advice, but I'm worried and scared and unsure even of what I want to happen. Ideally she will have a complete recovery and live another 10 years. Unlikely since along with the pneumonia there has been another cancerous event. Chemo on an 85 year-old doesn't sound like something that is either plausible or surviveable. On the one hand, I don't want her to be in pain or stuck in the hospital. On the other hand, I'm selfish and I want her to be around as long as possible.

Though we've always had differences, probably stemming from generational gaps, she and I have had a bond. I think its probably because I don't treat her like a frail old lady, I treat her a little harder, and she's always been able to rise to it. I "poke the bear" and try to get a little rise out of her, usually with hillarious results.

As my last surviving grandparent, I need her to be around for a while longer. Once my grandparents are all gone that can only mean that my parent's generation, and perhaps my parents themselves, are next. And none of this is supposed to happen! Not yet! I was supposed to be a grown-up and have all the answers and be able to cope before any of this stuff happened.

I'm not ready.

Taylor Anderson

2011-03-22T10:59:00.003-04:00

Her name has been in the news in the past 24 hours and I can't help but think about the "15 minutes of fame" phrase. The name Taylor Anderson wasn't newsworthy last week, last month, last year. She wasn't the headline story on Yahoo, she wasn't the subject of a CNN piece by Anderson Cooper. And the only real reason these people and news outlets are interested in her is that she is the first American discovered to have been killed by the Japanese disaster.

But I knew her name before then. I called her Tanderson, because that was her email address at school. She and her roommate Kim lived down the hall from me my senior year of college. Tim and Kaylor were very fun hallmates. Theirs was the only room on the hall to have TiVo, and I used to go play with the remote to hear the funny sounds. They weren't best pleased when I did that, since it usually resulted in some strange menu that they had a hard time getting out of.

Tanderson had tiny feet. She was a tiny person, but her feet were almost comically small. She could fit into children's shoes. I used to dare her to buy the gaudiest children's shoes at Target. The kind that lit up or had Dora the Explorer printed on them.

I once found a computer program created by some university that allowed you to input a picture of yourself and then the program would alter the image to make you look like an ape, a baby, a man, different nationalities, artist's renderings, etc. Taylor's favorites of herself were as a caucasian man and an asian man. We would run down the hall back and forth between each others rooms to compare and giggle at the images.

She started a book club. She was the president, I was the "secretary" though it was really only a title, since I did precious little work on the club. Tanderson picked the books. She organized the meetings. She brought snacks (usually heisted from the dining hall). I remember that we read "a confederacy of dunces" and none of us really liked it.

She loved the show "Daria" on MTV, and actually had a stash of old Daria episodes saved on her computer. One halloween she made herself up to look like Daria, and her short stature and frizzy hair really worked as the character.

We went to a celtic festival together, specifically to see a band that she had discovered. She had never heard the band play, but the name had so intrigued her that off we went. "Poisoned Dwarf" was a pretty good band, but the greatest part was the drunk who decided to dance in the aisle. We named him the poisoned dwarf and giggled at his antics long after the concert was over.

We both worked for the school's tutoring center, and though we never worked at the same time, staff meetings were that much more fun when there was a buddy nearby.

There was one day that I particularly remember. I was badly hungover and Tanderson came to hang out in my room. I had just gotten a set of Astaire and Rogers movies for christmas, along with some crosstitch patterns. She was a knitter. We watched movie after movie, stitching away at our different products. Not a really exciting memory, but cozy and comfortable.

Tim and Kaylor's dorm room window looked out onto the same street on which stood many sorority and fraternity houses. Somehow either Tim or Kaylor had gotten hold of a laser pointer, and as the sun went down we turned off the lights in thier room, crouched behind a bed and shone the laser through windows, on tvs, on people's bodies. The people would look around for the source and we three would colapse in giggles until regaining control of ourselves, looked for the next victim.

Tanderson was adamant that her name could somehow be inserted into any song, as long as it was in English. My ultimate (or so I thought) test was "Baba O'Reily" by "the Who", but of course, thats an easy one. "teenage Taylor! It's only teenage Taylor!".

We went to see a David Sedaris reading together. My first ever. We waited for close to 4 hours in line to get his autograph, me in very painful shoes. Before the show however, we had to pick her younger brother up from school, which meant that I would see her house. For whatever reason, Taylor was embarrassed by her family's affluence, and actually told me that she had to know someone really well before she would let them see her house. I suppose that was her version of the classic spit-in-your-hand-and-shake. But way less gross. Her house was pretty standard except for the coolest thing I have EVER seen in a home. Between her father's study and the library there was a revolving bookcase. It was sooooo cool! I spent a good ten minutes playing with it until Tanderson teased me for being such a nerd and telling me that we had to go if we were going to make it to the show.

The first night we met we were driving to meet a mutual friend's boyfriend. We passed a billboard for the lottery and spent the rest of the drive comparing what we would do with the jackpot and making up wild ideas about inventing a fraternity and something about cheesy puffs. On the way home from that trip we had to take a toll road and neither of us had any change to pay the toll. No attendent in the booth. It was very late and no traffic was coming, but I doubt it would have mattered. We both scoured the car for loose change and when a quarter was discovered under a seat we cheered and howled with laughter.

Such stories may not mean much to others, but they are and were very personal and very indicitive of Tanderson's personality. She loved Japan. She very much wanted to teach. When she got into the JET program, she was so excited. She had travelled to Japan before and was eager to go back. To live and work in a place that she admired. She taught Kindergarten and dressed as the mad hatter for halloween.

The piece of news that I knew was true even before it was confirmed was that she waited at her school after the earthquake to make sure her students were safely deposited into their parent's arms. She was going to make sure that her little ones were safe before she thought of her own safety. That day she had forgotten her cell phone in her apartment, and I'm sure that that was the only reason she left the school. She wanted to get home to her apartment, to her cell phone, to call her family to let them know she was safe. She had ridden her bike to work, and so that was her only means to get home. She never got there. I haven't heard yet how she died, though it's not hard to guess. I don't think I want to know.

Taylor Anderson was a funny, loud, bubbly person. That seems to be said of all who tragically die, but it is so true. We shared jokes, we argued, we ate together, we lived in the same hall. She was a good person. She was my friend.

2011-02-10T10:20:00.003-05:00

Every now and then I get an idea about my life that I chew on for a while. Usually I chicken out before EVER acting on said idea, but sometimes I show great bravado and just do it. Jump into the deep end, who cares how deep it actually is. I don't know where this comes from because usually I am very cautious and reserved, planning things in my life out and generally waiting for things to happen to me.

Recently, I've been toying with the idea of moving to london. Its crazy. Wacko. I don't know anyone there. I don't have any job qualifications. I wouldn't be able to get a work visa, their laws are too strict. There are thousands of reasons why this is a ludicrous idea with little to no chance of success.

BUT. I want to. Its one of my favorite places in the world. I have always been an anglophile. Pubs and cockneys and cabbies and curry and parks and the tube and buses and weirdly ringing telephones that sound like pigeons.

Plus, I've been feeling like my life is in somewhat of a rut lately. I feel like I need to shake things up. A new haircut is not going to do it. Something totally different that is completely out of character is in order. What could be more out of character than to move alone to a different continent? ALONE?! I don't even go to the movies alone.

I'll probably go off the idea. I'll likely never do this EVER. But I've been thinking about it for at least a week now, and if I ever do get the money together... we'll see...

Year in Review

2010-12-30T10:46:00.002-05:00

Year In Review

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?
Celebrated the wedding of someone I've known for more than 10 years! Denise!

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next this year?
I made the resolution to try to stop biting my nails. With the aid of many many nailpolishes, I seem to have made it through most of the year. This year I'm hoping to spend more time (and maybe money) on myself.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
A few friends from college, and Sara!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
not that I can think of. I guess they weren't that close to me...

5. What countries did you visit?
NYC. its a whole different country

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
a MAN

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
June. Denise and Dan's wedding!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
real life gainful employment with benefits and a 401K and all that jazz

9. What was your biggest failure?
stopping walking to work when it got cold. Cmon! man up marine!

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
nothing bigger than a cold

11. What was the best thing you bought?
I'm going to go with tickets. to experiences. To new york, to cox farms, to Glen Echo, to Clara Barton's house. Oh, and my mom's birthday present was pretty much a home run

12. Where did most of your money go?
bills, rent, dining out

13. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Megan returning to the good ol' USofA

14. What song will always remind you of 2010?
Fuck You by Cee Lo Green. I sang that song like it was my JOB

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder?
happier i think

b) thinner or fatter?
a little thinner. I lost 5-10 pounds, but probably gained it all back in the holiday madness

c) richer or poorer?
a little richer. got a raise and a bonus. And of course, a full time job

16. What do you wish you’d done more of?
walking to work. I did it a lot, but stopped when it got colder

17. What do you wish you’d done less of?
worrying about things I have no control over

18. Did you fall in love in 2010?
I did not.

19. What was your favorite TV program?
Huge, glee, Warehouse 13, leverage

20. What was the best book you read?
since this doesn't specify NEW books, I just finished reading "his dark materials" and of course I reread Pride and Prejudice a few times this year

21. What was your favorite film of this year?
A team, Prince of Persia, Despicable me, Easy A, Percy Jackson, Date Night, Tangled

22. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 25 and there was a massive trip to medieval times, a cupcake/smithsonian day with the wife, and a beach trip

23. What kept you sane?
Jezebel and my ladies

24. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I don't really know. I don't think I had any celebrity crushes this year...hmm

25. Who was the best new person you met?
Wasim. He's so sassy

the List

2010-12-01T09:19:00.003-05:00

Ok, so since it is now officially December, I shall post my list for all of my fans so that you may shower me with gifts at your leisure.

1. ShoeDazzle. Ya'll, this is like Netflix for shoes! But better! Because its not a rental thing, its a keep thing. The membership is free, but it costs to get the shoes. I am already drooling. waaaaant

2. Games for wii. I have several that I really want. Glee Karaoke, Wipeout, Jeopardy, Rayman's Raving Rabids

3. the new Sedaris books. Both David and sister Amy have new books out this holiday season. David's is "Squirrel seeks Chipmunk" and Amy's is "Simple Times"

4. Subversive Cross stitch. Who says cross stitch has to be stuffy and boring? Not me! I'd love to stitch a sampler that says "Merry Fucking Christmas"

5. DVDs. Despicable Me. Star Trek. Sherlock. Glee. The Thin Man Collection. Easy A.

6. Movie Tickets. on the list of movies I really want to see: Burlesque, Megamind, Tangled

Also see my birthday post. With the exception of Daria and the Blackberry, I did not receive the things on that list. Not that I'm complaining, mind you. I had a lovely birthday. I only offer it as an addendum to this list.

Ghoulies and Ghosties and Long-Legged Beasties

2010-10-29T10:07:00.008-04:00

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA

This weekend is halloween! I must say that Halloween seems to be a lot of work for everyone involved. The kids have to plan and don a costume and walk around the world to get candy from strangers, the very activity that children are prohibited from doing on the other 364 days a year. Adults on the other hand must prepare by buying candy, sitting by their front doors and jumping up everytime there is a knock/ring. Alternitavely they may walk around with their children and stand on the sidewalk loudly whispering "What do you say?" at every house. I heard from a friend of mine that her parents ended up spending over $60 on halloween candy last year, because there were so many children trick or treating. exhausting.

Even so, I do enjoy halloween. its just fun. There is no real "reason" for halloween other than to dress up as someone you're not and eat things that are bad for you. Of course there are roots to the halloween story but for the most part its relatively tame. There are no halloween pagents like Thanksgiving and Christmas, most people have NO IDEA why we do what we do to celebrate halloween, or even why we celebrate it at all.

Anyway. The point of this post really is to show you some of the costumes from my work halloween party yesterday. Most people did not dress up, or did so really lame-ly. There were a few random boas and a fang or two. I like to get into the spirit of things and so I dressed up.

My favorite group was the Intellectual Property Lawyers who really did their collective homework!

Doreen had a motion activated talking parrot! With all the motion at the party, he didnt shut up once!

Eva was a homeless person, and she won second prize in the contest. As she was walking to get her gift certificate she dragged her boxes and carts along with her and snapped at everyone "don't touch my stuff". It was pretty funny.

There were a lot, and I mean A LOT of jailbirds and wardens and escaped convicts. Does that say something about the work environment? :-)

One Year Later

2010-09-24T15:48:00.002-04:00

A year ago today my cat died. I suppose that sounds insignificant to most people, or at least most people who don't know me. But for me, I've had a rough year dealing with this kind of grief.

This is the first death I've had to deal with where I've gone from seeing them everyday to never seeing them again. I saw her and slept with her everyday for 16 years. Thats a lot to remove at once. And yes, I did go away to college. And yes, I did move out of my parent's house, but for 16 years, she was a part of my home.

Grief strikes people different ways I suppose. The stages of grief aren't felt in the same way or even in the same order for everyone. I don't know a single person who has ever really come to accept the death of a loved one, only push it aside for the time being. I was never angry about Smrgl being taken from me, only sad. Deeply, truly, horribly sad, but it was sadness. An ache in my heart. With whom should I have been angry? The lady from "Tuck Everlasting" for not actually inventing the immortality serum? I know that those who love me would do just about anything to let me have her back, but that can never be. It is physically painful for me to write that, but I know that it's true.

Theres a small clump of her hair on my bedroom rug in my apartment. How it got there heaven knows, but somehow it shaped itself into a heart. My mother and father bought me a locket to put that heart into, but I just can't bring myself to move it. I'll step around it and every so often close my eyes and touch it. It doesn't really feel like her anymore, just as wigs never really feel like human hair, even if they are made from human hair. The life force behind it is no longer there, so there's something amiss. I like to think that it's like her though, because that is the last physical thing I have left.

Time does heal all wounds. I know that. I know that I am less sad about her passing than I was a year ago today. But I will never be able to mend the final ache. Once a heart is touched it can't be untouched. It's so cheesy but maybe she did leave a paw-print on my soul.

I saw a movie a few weeks ago called "Eat, Pray, Love" and while for the most part that movie was a colossal waste of time there was a part that stayed with me. The main character is wondering how she can ever get over a boyfriend of hers and a fellow inmate of the temple tells her to "send him love" whenever she thinks of him. I have tried that as the year anniversary approached and now that it's here I hope it's worked. Its hard to find evidence of such things NOT working, so here I am. I send her love and try to let go of the sadness whenever I think of her. Let it come, pass it on, keep on going.

My 30 minutes as a Refugee

2010-08-12T10:44:00.004-04:00

The DC area has been hit pretty hard by a set of nasty thunderstorm recently. And I mean NASTY. Trees uprooted, buildings flooded, power out for days. Don't believe me? Click here

Anyway, this morning it was not raining when I left my apartment, though the sky was tinged with grey. I ride the bus from across the street from my apartment to the Pentagon where I hop on board the Metro. The bus was stuck in traffic for a while, an accident apparently, but as the Pentagon came into sight the sky above it (and us) suddenly turned pitch black. It had gone from a hazy summer morning to midnight in a matter of moments. "great" I thought. "I'm wearing flip-flops and didn't bring an umbrella. I'm going to get soaked"

Made it into the Metro station in only the first light drizzle of the storm. Water was pouring off the train, but on I got.

Fast forward 3 metro stops to Foggy Bottom, my stop. I was already running late for work because of the accident, so I knew I wouldn't catch the work shuttle. Meaning a half mile walk in what I was sure had become a screaming gale. Seriously considered a cab.

Got off the train to hear a strange sound. Well, strange for underground in a major city. The sound of running water. Ok, maybe not running. Sprinting. Leaping. Gushing. I looked up and about 10 feet from me and about 30 feet up one of the ceiling tiles in the station had cracked and was pouring water. It looked like at least 3 fire hoses were pouring their combined water and force through the tile and into the station. I was lucky. Some people had no choice but to try to go through it. The lucky ones managed to stay standing. That was the force of the water. I would have just gone home if that had been me. Anyway, water everywhere, me in flip-flops, picking my way through the rapidly spreading standing water to get to the fare kiosks to leave.

Got through the kiosk fine. BUT. about 3 train loads of people were crowded around the escalator bank, no one moving. Curious, I tried to see what was causing the back up. You guys, out of 3 escalators out of the station, 1 was open. ONE! and it wasn't even moving, it was stairs. So people getting out and people coming in were sharing ONE escalator and it was pouring. Rivers of water were coming down the railings of all three escalators, down the medians, off the roof. 150 people looking up these escalators and an equal amount at the top looking down.

Slowly but surely I made my way with the crowd and onto the escalator. About halfway up I heard an anguished cry and a crash. Fearing that a mob had broken out I looked down. Someone could clearly not take it anymore and had torn away the metal barrier blocking one of the other escalators and started running up the stairs. And I must say, he had quite a few followers.

When I finally tasted fresh air, I realized that the rain had stopped. The sun was coming out. I had missed the whole storm while trapped underground. Though I did still have to walk to work, and was about 15 minutes late, the only part of me that got wet were my feet, having to walk through some of the puddles.

Others at my office had similar stories, one lady's car doors started to leak, ruining her lunch because the water on Rhode Island Ave was flowing above the bottom of her doors. So much water was dumped out of the sky, it had nowhere to go. Rock Creek has surpassed its banks. Cleveland Park metro station is closed because there is more than 3 feet of water rushing to the bottom steps. It looks like a scene from Titanic.

That shower this morning was the hugest waste of time.

Mah Birfday

2010-07-09T11:55:00.003-04:00

Ok people look alive! My Birthday is fast approaching and I want things! Fun things! Expensive things!

1. Storming the Castle board game
My favorite movie ever! In board game form! WANT

2. PillowPet
Its a pillow! Its a pet! Its a pillowpet! (most annoying jingle ever)

3. Waving Solar Queen
Because my balcony is less than regal.

4. Rayman's Raving Rabbids
I (with help from Emily) beat the first one! So now I need more! lots more!

5. Cookie Monster Snuggie
So that when the crumbs of that entire sleeve of chips ahoy wont go to waste.

6. DARIA
our favorite snarky teen outcast is on DVD and that will make for a lovely snark filled afternoon. with pizza. there must be pizza.

7. A Blackberry
OK hear me out. I do NOT want an Iphone because I am wretched at touchscreens. Like awful. When I was using a friend's recently I kept hitting the wrong thing and making it angry. So I want buttons! But I also want web-capabilities. Therefore...Blackberry

Nailin' It!

2010-06-18T10:09:00.003-04:00

So, as most of you are well aware (since I'm assuming my entire fan base consists of my parents), I have been biting my nails since I had teeth. My parents fought long and hard to break me of the habit, scowling at me, snapping their fingers, smacking my hands out of my mouth, etc. Believe it or not, there have been times in my life when I have sucessfully given up the habit, only to be lured back in. Knowing me and the universe, blogging about this will effectively prevent me from ever really kicking the habit, but here goes anyway.

Roughly a month ago I went to brunch with some friends. The brunch was a precursor to a friends bridal shower, and after brunch we wanted to fill the intervening time with something equally girly. We discussed shopping, ice cream, nails. Well, we'd just demolished huge portions of eggs benedict, and being a sunday, most stores were closed. So nails it was. We decided on a round of pedicures, and thus I was reminded of the awesomeness of same.

You guys, nothing, and I mean NOTHING, is as awesome as having someone cater to your feet. Being ticklish, I know that there are fears to overcome. But after about a minute, the tickling sensation subsides. And you are left with bliss.

For those who have never had the pleasure of a pedicure, let me lay it out for you. Those who have, feel free to skip ahead a few chapters. A pedicure starts with a warm, bubbly, scented foot bath, adjusted to suit your personal taste. Mine is usually too warm for my sensitive skin, but the manicurist is always very obliging and turns it down. So, once your feet are all nice and bubbled and warm and scented, they remove any old polish, clip and clean each toe (a must have in the summer weather when flip-flops have exposed your piggies to the weather and dirt) and then you get the filing option. This can be the scariest part. The manicurist hold up this medeval torture device and asks if you'd like your heels filed. Now me, I have these hoof-like heels. You could stick a thumbtack into my heels and I wouldn't feel it, so I ALWAYS opt for the filing. But for those who take better care of their heels between salon trips, this may be a scary idea. Once you have gotten over the initial shock though, they take off any and all dead skin on the heel, leaving a smooth, angel-like glow to your feet. Once each foot is glowing and lovely, they take a salt scrub and pummel your feet, ankles, and lower calves. And then the lotion and massage. Oh the massage! Divine.

Now the color. If you have been negligent and forgot to pick a color beforehand you can just say "red" and the lady will grab and paint. If you've picked a color, they'll grab and paint. This part is not exactly a big deal. Once painted they will actually PUT YOUR SHOES ON FOR YOU! My god. This must be how Marie Antoinette felt EVERY DAY! Such decadence. Of course if you are a novice and have not worn pedicure appropriate shoes, they will give you crap-tackular salon flip-flops. But if you are prepared, they'll put your own shoes on for you. Amazing.

So back to my original topic. This reminder of the pedicure experience that fateful sunday revealed to me the secret to quitting the nail-biting habit. Bi-monthly manicures. If a manicure is anything like the bliss of a pedcures, then there will be a huge impotes NOT to chew. Since fingernail polish is notoriously flaky, I'll have to do the manicure with every paycheck. Pedicures will happen once a month. Yes, I've already included them in my monthly budget.

This lady has the right idea. If I were more devoted, a better artist, or a millionare, I might follow her footsteps. But as it is, I'll have to suffer along with a manicure every two weeks, not one every day. They're pretty though!

And in case you were wondering why this post comes now; Tomorrow is mani-pedi day. First manicure ever, and I'm a little scared. Up until now I haven't had enough nail:finger ratio to warrant a special pedicure, but the home polishes have held me through to an appropriate length, and so tomorrow, I will be buffed, cliped and polished, hands to feet.

Movie Madness!

2010-05-28T10:46:00.006-04:00

OK, I'm back on the summer movie madness train! Last year, you may remember, I listed the movies I wanted to see. Of course I am far too lazy to think up another format, so I present; MOVIES I WANT TO SEE: SUMMER 2010

1: Prince of Persia
Jake Gyllenhaal wanted to hang out with Carrie and Samantha in the desert (he's such a Charlotte!), so he decided to go make this movie, which is based on an old computer game about an ancient Iranian prince who... does things. He like jumps off walls and falls on spikes and shit. In this movie he's chasing after both a magical dagger that can stop time and some pretty hot tail. It's basically the result of Disney's bizarre experiments trying to breed Pirate of the Caribbean with The Mummy

2. The A-Team
Whatever! This is going to be epic. I know, I know, they didn't get Mr. T to reprise his role as B.A. Barakas, but who knows, maybe there'll be a cameo? Its not like Mr. T has anything else going on these days. Also, Liam Neeson is an interesting choice for Hannibal. I'm not as opposed to it as others seem to be, and Hannibal needs a commanding presence, which Neeson definintely has.

3. The Last Airbender!
Ok, I freaking love this series! I was fortunate enough to run across most of it on DVD for only $5 per disc (amazon and others have it for WAAAY more), and have yet to have my Avatar* geek fest. Though not a huge fan of M. Night Shamalamadingdong, maybe he'll pull out all the stops and make this the Avatar we know and love!

*Avatar is NOT the crappy James Cameron recreation of Disney's Pocahontas! It is the combination of the 4 elements in one person, who will then unite the world and bring peace! So there!

4. The Karate Kid
Will Smith is selling his kid again, but look! Jackie Chan! so its all good.

5. Despicable Me
Steve Carell's attempt at a children's film. Though the tv spots with the weird little minion people are suuuper annoying, the actual trailer looks Snydley Whiplash kind of awesome, so I am intrigued!

So there you go. 5 movies that will further deplete my bank account. Though not really, because I'm still working off of the movie vouchers that Santa so lovingly provided, so maybe I'll get through these summer flicks with minimal monetary damage.

And with that, I'm off to see Sex and the City 2: Rise of the Monolos, because my roommate wants me to.

Love Letter from my Awkward Teen Self

2010-05-13T11:59:00.002-04:00

MTV's long-lost cult cartoon Daria finally came out on DVD this week. Revisiting the series eight years after its demise reminds me that I have Daria to thank for surviving my teens and emerging with smarts and sass intact.

Daria debuted in 1997 and ended with the TV movie Is It College Yet? in 2003, by which point I was halfway through my senior year of high school. There weren't (and still aren't) too many smart female characters in pop culture that painfully geeky girls can relate to.

Enter Daria. When I first caught an episode in eighth grade, I felt like I was watching an animated version of my life. My interest in writing and classic novels wasn't catapulting me to the top of the social ladder. And I had a constant sarcastic monologue running in my head, a made-for-television narration of the events unfolding before me. Plus, with my giant glasses, bushy bangs, and fondness for oversized clothing, there was a bit of a physical resemblance between myself and the cartoon.

Nowadays, there are more geeky, ostensibly unattractive women on TV, from Liz Lemon on 30 Rock to Rachel Berry in Glee and Betty Suarez of Ugly Betty, but they're all still hoping to earn the admiration of their peers. What set Daria apart, and made her the most authentic TV nerd — despite the fact that she's a cartoon — was that she didn't look for her fellow students to accept her. She just wanted to be left alone. And though I did harbor a deep desire for popularity, aping Daria and pretending like I didn't care was an acceptable alternative.

I wish I could say that I wore my geekiness on my sleeve as proudly as Daria, but in my school wearing combat boots every day and asking a bitchy cheerleader if she could teach me to "twirl hair around my little finger and look vacant" would have led to taunting and getting shoved into a locker — the exact opposite of being left alone.

Still, Daria gave me a different outlook on high school by confirming my suspicions: Being popular wasn't as fun as it looked, and volleyball skills wouldn't have much bearing on the rest of my life. While on other shows being invited to a party thrown by the popular kids would be cause for celebration (before the inevitable humiliation, that is), when Daria's faced with the idea of attending a cool-kid party, she says, "Sure. And after that I think I'll swallow glass."

Those were the kind of moments when Daria implicitly championed the life of a geeky outcast as a legitimate choice, not something thrust upon you by the popular kids.

Daria and her best friend Jane Lane provided me with the sort of social guidance that allowed me to stay true to myself. I found my Jane in 8th grade, shortly after finding Daria. Her name was Tabitha. She was painfully thin (no eating disorders, just how she was built). Tabitha's thinness was a bane to her just as my chubbiness was for me. She wore lots of rings and had a weird name, ergo, we were meant to be. Before encountering Daria, committing social suicide probably would have mattered to me, but I'd picked up her attitude that it's easier to survive high school with one fellow-loser who shares your misanthropic views than to spend four years trying to earn the admiration of girls whose main interests include proper eyeliner application and shopping at Contempo Casuals.

I didn't strictly live by Daria's code of total alienation in high school: I rarely had the courage to tell off mean girls to their faces. Still, at a time when nothing seemed to matter as much as being pretty and popular, Daria taught me that with smarts, sarcasm, and one real friend, nerdy girls can keep their sanity in high school, even if we can't all spend four years hiding out in a bedroom with padded walls.

tonguing

2010-05-04T10:45:00.004-04:00

So this morning on the way to work I cut another driver off in traffic. It was totally my fault and I'm completely owning it. The awesome part is that, as he came around in the left lane to circumvent me he turned his head and stuck out his tongue! Way better than the finger. In fact, I think that from now on, whenever I am tempted to flip a bird, I'm going to stick out my tongue. Nothing diffuses a tense situation faster than a really juvenile display of annoyance.

Leasing Company woes

2010-03-05T12:27:00.002-05:00

So back to working. At least for a little while. I'm working 3 days this week and 1 next week for a leasing company in DC. Honestly, not at all what I want to do. I don't know any of the laws about fair housing, and frankly, I'm much more comfortable working in an office environment rather than at a residence. Not that I'm in a residence exactly, I'm in the leasing office of a residential building. And that makes it weird for me. I can hear people going about their business in their homes. I dont want that. I want to be in a place where people come for 8 hours and then leave. It feels invasive to be privy to those private things that people do at home.

I'm currently on my 'lunch hour' which differs from work hours in that I can ignore the phone. And I ate my lunchable. mostly it hasnt been all that bad, but like I said, the atmosphere is certainly one of a home. And this leasing office is in the BASEMENT of one of the walk-ups. At least on Tuesday I was in a lobby. Albeit a swelteringly hot closet kind of lobby.

I have decided to try not to sweat it. Though apparently tommorrow will be crazy busy with people coming to the leasing office to be shown an apartment. I can stick it out for 3 days. And at the end of it, I can pay my car payment, the cable bill, and still have some left for me, so I can go get a new Easter dress. I'm actually really looking forward to getting an Easter dress. It makes me think of spring, which gives me hope that the winter wont last forever. We can only hope.

Playing Catch up

2010-03-02T12:40:00.002-05:00

This morning I got a call from my temp agency lady at like 7:30. She said she had a last miinute job for me, and like a fool, I agreed. The job is at a leasing office of an apartment building in downtown DC. The temp lady assured me that it was going to be very nice and not at all like where I live. Well she was wrong. This place is a dump! The 'office' is a tiny room, about the size of my bathroom. The computer doesn't work. The windows are grimy and made of those weird glass bricks so I can't see out. The heater is stuck on so that even though its in the 40s outside, its close to 90 in the office. The actual 'lobby' is nice enough, but so tiny that its hardly worth anything to look at. My 'tour' included where I'll be having lunch. In the laundry room. The gym, a garrish room with one treadmill and a set of free weights, connected to the rest of the building via a parking lot. I shudder to imagine the bathroom.

We all know that I'm a snob. But hinestly, I want to work at an OFFICE. With working equipment. And maybe a kitchenette. Coffee pots. Cubicles. Potted plants. Desk Lamps. Windows that you can see out of.

I keep having my father's voice in my head. That its money, and I dont have anything better going on. What else would I be doing today? Sleeping til 10 and watching TV. Which is true. But there are only so many levels below ones standard that one can go.

The wretched thing is that I'm suposed to work for this company in another building this Friday, Saturday, and next Monday. Again, I dont want to turn up my nose at money that I really need, but I'm really not looking forward to it. Especially after seeing this place.

So far I've been here for an hour and a half. And I'm so bored. Without the computer, all I have is my book (that I've read dozens of times)and a pad of paper. And my cell phone.

Maybe I'll take a surruptitious nap. More later.

Later: Well 1:45. Been here since 9:15. Just got back from lunch. Nice little deli, a bit of a run down, but the food was good. Then stoped in Starbucks. Much more my speed. The Starbucks crowd is my crowd. Suits. Yuppy mothers with strollers with brand names like "bugaboo". Then back here. Had to close the office door when I left, to deter theft I suppose, but the end result was that the place was like a furnace when I came back. Good thing I got a frozen drink from Starbucks.

While in Starbucks, I used the restroom. I have an irrational fear of public bathrooms, but an even greater fear of what could be awaiting me at the apartment building, bathroom-wise. After washing my hands I used the weird blow-dry hand thing. This was seriously the most powerful thing I have ever encountered. The skin on the back of my hands was rippling like crazy. Plus it blew cold air. Yech.

Even Later: Just went to the bathroom and it wasnt as bad as I thought. Small and spartan, but brightly lit and clean. Smelled rather strongly of lemon-scented cleaner, but I suppose thats preferrable to other odors that may be found in bathrooms.

Just had to move my car. Apparently they tow on the street that I had parked on. But they only tow after 4. It is now 3:15. I'll likely have to stay until 5 or so.

Once more unto the Breech dear Friends!

2010-01-29T11:38:00.002-05:00

OK, I know it has been a while. But once again, that is because I have not been working. Honestly, you would think that I would blog more when NOT working, but when not working I have television and all of its distractions to keep me going. When working, I have only the internet. And we all know how few websites there are dedicated to fighting boredom.

Anyway, I am working again, today (friday) and for most of next week. I'm working as a temp at a place called Conservation International. Its pretty cool in the 'whole-foods-organic-hemp' kind of way. There is a GIANT basket head mask on the wall right infront of the front desk that frankly startled me when I came in this morning, but as the day has gone on I get less and less freaked by him. I think I'll name him. I like Reginald...

Also, apparently Harrison Ford is on the board of directors. Which is pretty much awesome. Thats one cool thing about temping. You never know who you're going to meet. Like when I met the Russian Spy. Or Tom Clancy.

Anyway. The chair is comfortable, the people are polite and kind. The coffee is crappy like at any office, but this crappy coffee is fair trade, so at least I know that I'm helping the coffee growers in Brazil in some small way as I gulp it down.

There are gnats here as well, it being all about nature, there are plenty of plants. I do feel bad about smashing them though. I have a nagging suspicion that instead I should catch them in a cup and release them into the wild. Though, the wild today is below freezing, so maybe smashing them is more humane than letting the freeze to death.

Year In Review

2009-12-31T13:13:00.006-05:00

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
Rode a commuter bus and got a tattoo

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next this year?
I don't remember if I made any new year's resolutions for this year... so probably not. I don't know if I'll make any for the new year, they tend to set me up for failure.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
hmm... some friends from high school, some friends from college, but since I haven't met any of the babies, I'd say we weren't that close.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My beloved cat Smrgl

5. What countries did you visit?
England and Scotland. WOOT

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
money!

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
thats a hard one. I doubt I'll look back on 2009 when I'm old and say something like, 'ah, 2009! The year I...' Nothing that momentous happened this year.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting a new job just in time to move out of the old crappy apartment and into the new shiny one.

9. What was your biggest failure?
not keeping myself busier while i was unemployed

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
no, thank goodness

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Does a new apartment count? otherwise, I don't know that i've bought that much this year

12. Where did most of your money go?
BILLS!

13. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Going to London (3rd time baby!) and Scotland. Barak Obama's innauguration, finally turning in the keys to the bad apartment, having a job.

14. What song will always remind you of 2009?
pretty much anything by lady gaga

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder?
happier

b) thinner or fatter?
fatter for sure

c) richer or poorer?
depends on how you define it. Based on money that I have available to spend, I'm poorer, based on having an actual (pittance!) income, then richer.

16. What do you wish you’d done more of?
excercise? nah. new things.

17. What do you wish you’d done less of?
messing around on the computer instead of experiencing the world.

18. Did you fall in love in 2009?
With Dinah and Basil

19. What was your favorite TV program?
GLEE!!!!!!!!! and Warehouse 13! And NCIS!

20. What was the best book you read?
probably Julie & Julia

21. What was your favorite film of this year?
Again, Julie & Julia. The princess and the frog, Whip it

22. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 24 and there was a beach trip with friends, and then on the actual day we went to dinner

23. What kept you sane?
The crazyness of Emily

24. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Puck! yumm!

25. Who was the best new person you met?
Queennie. Simply for the entertainment value. I'm going to be telling tales of that bitch for YEARS!

New

2009-12-22T16:05:00.002-05:00

Hey there all of you who so religiously read my ramblings. Here comes a much needed update on all things work related.

On Thursday, December 10 at 3 pm, I got a call to let me know that my contract had been terminated, and I had one hour to collect my things, and leave the place I had been happily working for 6 months.

Needless to say, I was pretty broken up about such a wrench. I'm not good with things that happen too fast as it is, but especially when I've carved myself a niche, or settled myself into a nice little rut.

Anyway, the lady who gets me gigs with the temp agency called to say that I would have to wait a week before the next gig, which I would start on Monday, December 21st.

Well, the weekend before I was slated to start, a huge snowstorm hit the east coast. DC peoples are not great with snow at the best of times, and this was a foot and a half of it. So the new place was closed. Giving me another day to freak.

But here I am. Its day two, and things are going fine. I'm not as in love with it as I was with the last place, though, on day two at the last place I wasnt in love either. And I'm likely not going to get too attached because whenever I am introduced to someone its, "This is Ariel, she's filling in for Luke". So whenever this "luke" returns, my services will no longer be needed here and we'll start the hurry up and wait game with the temp agency all over again.

Basically, I hate the unknown. Now that I've been here for a day and a half so far, I'm getting a little more comfortable, but the knowledge that I have another unknown waiting in the not too distant future makes me uneasy.

I guess we'll all have to wait and see

The List

2009-12-07T09:43:00.003-05:00

List time! You know you wanted it, the list of all the things that would make me happy for Christmas! True to form, I had to be reminded at least twice that A) yes, I will be getting Christmas presents too and, B) I need to tell people what I've been eyeing. so, in the words of Mario, brother to Luigi, sage to all; Here we Go!

-A Wall Spice Rack. I'm sick of half the cupboard space in my apartment being taken up with spices.

-games for my Wii. They just came out with a new Rayman's Raving Rabbids! And I would love a Guitar Hero type game.

-Lunch Utensil Set http://www.lunchboxes.com/bamboo.html
I'm sick of using plastic and trowing it away every day. And this comes in PINK!

-cooking for one cookbooks
"The pleasure of cooking for one" -Judith Jones
"Thirty minute Pasta" - Giulian Hazan

-Julie & Julia DVD

-Mastering the Art of French Cooking

-Regina Spektor CDs

-Glee DVD or CD

-full size pillow top mattress pad and egg crate

Now, I know this really isn't as extensive a list as some would write. At the moment though, I'm pretty content. I'd love a sponsored shopping spree to Target (really need some new work clothes). And as always, I enjoy anything zebra printed. Otherwise, use your imagination folks! And if worst comes to worst, just buy me this. My inner outer child will have a squee filled time with weird toys and noise makers and bacon flavored dental floss.

Oscar

2009-12-04T14:16:00.002-05:00

OK, I'm grouchy today. No real reason, just the world is not up to my exacting standards today and that frustrates and annoys me.

However, unlike my usual grouchy days, I dont want to feel grouchy, making me even grouchier about feeling grouchy. So here have been the things that have (temporarily) brought be out of the funk today.

1. There is a family that rides my bus in the mornings. A father, an older daughter (about 8) and twin younger sisters (about 5). Some mornings they are rowdy, playing 20 questions with their dad, some mornings they are whiney, the 'she's touching me' complaints echoing down the bus. This morning two out of the three girls were in high spirits. One of the twins was sulking and sitting really close in to her father, in the classic, 'no one can talk to me but dad' pose. Her twin kept trying to get her to smile/laugh, but to no avail, and actually seemed to annoy her more. Finally, the elder sister asked the cheery twin, "hey Caroline, what did YOU have for lunch?" All three faces lit up and they all cried in unison "SISTER SANDWICH" and fell into a group hug. I almost died of cute!

2. Cute Butt Justin. Named by me (duh) he is a coworker with a truly yummy hiney. He is cute in other areas (i mean the face you dirty mind!) and tends to make me chuckle. Today we have had 2 interactions that were blog worthy. He got a credit card bill in the mail and was opening it near my desk. He saw the total and decreed, "you pay this for me" and tossed it on my desk. I smiled and picked it up to hand back to him and he hurries away down the hallway claiming, "you touched it last!" I laughed heartily. Later when he came to retrieve it he said "you pay it next time". I retorted with a put upon sigh and said, "alright, but I'm not paying for your hookers". He laughed. I felt good about myself. Then later, in the kitchen, someone had turned on the World Cup coverage and he started to chat with me about soccer, something I know nothing about. He said something about America being really pathetic in never winning the World Cup, and I made him laugh again with, "Yeah, but we ALWAYS win the World Series"

3. 1000 Awesome Things. This is a blog that is essentially a list of awesome things. Things like dangling your feet in water, picking off the crusty ketchup on the nozzle to get a nice even squirt, getting to the bus stop just as the bus does, when a stranger says 'bless you' after you sneeze, the final moments of untying that huge knot, the sound of meat hitting the hot grill, taking your socks off without your hands under the covers, etc. I love that these really are universally awesome things. I mean, who DOESNT like eating the extra fries at the bottom of the bag? or getting all the lint out of the dryer lint trap? those little things that can make you feel awesome.

Pass the Popcorn

2009-11-17T08:34:00.006-05:00

Ok Ya'll, lets talk about something close to my heart. Movies. You know I love them. But recently, the only movies I have seen have been the free preview ones. Not that I'm complaining. Free is my favorite price. And considering this past summer's lack of good movies, I wasn't too broken up about my movie dry spell.

However! This winter there are SOOOOO many good movies that I am just dying to see! You know you want a list complete with you tube clips!

1) The Princess and the Frog

Disney! Princess! Jazz Age New Orleans! Hand Drawn Animation! Watercolors! Can't breathe....

2) Fantastic Mr. Fox

This was one of my favorite books as a child. Written by the incomprable Roald Dahl, the tale focuses on the Fox family and their struggle for survival against overwhelming odds. Wes Anderson, the director, has made many odd movies in the past, but hopefully his quirkiness will blend well with Dahl's characters and book themes.

3) Planet 51
My mom said that the animation and characters remind her of the pixar short in front of Ratatouille. You know, the one with the junior alien trying to abduct the guy out of the farmhouse? and he fails miserably? Its pretty awesome.

4) The Blind Side
Get ready for some tear jerkers! This one is based on a true story and there is already oscar buzz about Sandra Bullock's performance. A good thing too since her disasterous "All about Steve"

5) Everybody's Fine
My roommate and I are both dying to see this one. Robert De Niro as a dad struggling with a fatal disease, keeping it a secret, and going to visit all of his kids. Also starring Drew Barrymore, though I won't hold that against it.

6) The Men Who Stare At Goats
George Clooney seems to be recapturing the character from "O Brother Where Art Thou" in that he is nuts, slightly stupid and all hilarious. I mean c'mon people, he stares at goats to make them fall over!

7) Avatar
Ok, we all know by now that this movie has nothing to do with the beloved Nickelodeon television show. However, it looks pretty awesome anyway. Especially the animation of the aliens. they look pretty wicked cool.

8) Pirate Radio
I can't believe that I forgot about this one until number eight! I want to see this one SOOO BAD! Well, I want to see almost all of these with the same passion. But this one is for realz! C'mon! Pirates, Rocka and Roll, Phillip Seymour Hoffman! Plus, as my roommate so aptly pointed out, the soundtrack is gonna kick ass!

9) Where the Wild Things Are
I have yet to see this one because I am full of trepidation. Will they maintain the crux and soul of the tale? Will they be true to my personal vision? Will dinner still be warm by the end?

10) Amelia
Proving once again that when Hillary Swank dies in a movie, she wins an Oscar. But, that aside, I do love the whole story of Amelia Earhart. She pushed boundaries, she set records, she proved people wrong. And then of course there's the mystery aspect. Will anyone ever know what happened? I'm interested to see Swank's interpretation on such an iconic American figure.

So there they are. It would be sweet to be able to actually see some of these in the theatre, especially the animated ones. Realistically I know that most of them will have to wait until they are available on Netflix, but if someone wanted to buy me tickets to them for Christmas! Actually nevermind. Because with movie prices the way they are and my aversion to going anywhere alone, the bill would be in the $250 range. And I'm not that greedy.

Screw Barbie! When I grow up I want to be Michelle Obama

2009-11-06T08:52:00.008-05:00

I want to share with you all a secret that I have been harboring. I have a huge girl crush on the first lady! I can't even encompass in words the amount of love I feel for her and her awesomeness!

To be honest, I think I've always had a soft spot for first ladies. Ever since elementary school. My school was near an apartment complex named for Dolley Madison, and after learning who she was and her special brand of wicked awesomeness, I had a whole newfound respect for the women in the white house. Despite their husband's political leanings, I kind of love the wives. Part of that is possibly the nature of the job. While the president can kind of flip off half the country with his political agenda, the first lady has to serve as a sort of ambassador, especially to children. She is the mother of the country, showing us the 'domestic' side of the presidency.

Laura Bush, though she was married to ~~an idiot~~ George Bush, was the one who instituted the National Book Festival. She had her own adgenda, circling around literacy and interactions with children.

But my real topic today is the first lady du jour. Mrs. Obama. the most kick assingist first lady for quite some time.

I've spent most of my work week watching videos of her, reading about her, and having suuuper crushes on her.

The first lady hanging with Elmo and Big Bird!? can it get any better? Oh yes, my friends. It can.

This link has several videos from the HBO documentary about the Obama's trail to the white house. The first video (and really all three on the site) focus on Michelle and the girls, and gives a look into their interactions. I LOVE the beginning of the first video, they're just playing dominos like any other family, and elder sister teases younger for winning again, and by the end wont give her a lick of mom's ice cream cone.

Finally, I offer this vid.

Watch CBS News Videos Online

It is rather lengthy, roughly 30 minutes, so if you aren't inclined to watch it all, no worries. But its the Katie Couric interview for Glamour's woman of the year cover. Couric covers topics as hard hitting as "if you could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, who would it be?" proving that Couric's research went as far as a really boring cocktail party. Nonetheless, the First Lady is demure, well spoken, pleasant and complimentary. One of my favorite moments is near the end when Mrs. O is asked for dating tips. Because this will be published in Glamour, the expected would be something about hair or clothes but Mrs. O outclasses expectations with the following:

"Look at how the guy treats his mother, what he says about women, how he acts with children he doesn't know. And more importantly how does he treat you? When you're dating a man, you should always feel good...you should never feel less than...you should never doubt yourself, you shouldn't be in a relationship with someone who doesn't make you completely happy or make you feel whole. And if you're in (such a) relationship, don't get married, and find that person who brings you complete and utter joy."

What a super woman! actually telling the truth about real relationships to women who read Glamour! c'mon folks, how can you NOT love her???

Couric's question about a possible first lady cookbook got a coy smile and an evasive answer, but the commenters provided the best one-liner of all time.

"[If Mrs. O writes a cookbook] Lets hope she includes her secret family recipe for awesome sauce!"

Yes, Lets hope so indeed.

Take A Mint!

2009-10-22T14:30:00.001-04:00

so theres this lovely elderly man who works at my office part time and he comes in usually about 2:30 or 3. His name is Patrick and he is the sweetest man!

Anyway, I've been really trying to get people to eat the rest of the gross mints that have been smelling up my desk and there are only 2 left. I told Patrick to take a mint and he was like, noo, i'll leave them for others, and i was like, take a mint, and hes like, no i have fruit in my lunchbox.

so i amped it up. TAKE A MINT in like a deep and scary darth-vader-y voice. And he growled! it was so cute!!

Happy Tuesday

2009-10-13T12:43:00.002-04:00

Ding Dong the bitch is dead!

2009-10-12T12:03:00.004-04:00

Let me walk you through my morning so far.

As you probably know, today is columbus day. The national holiday celebrating getting so totally lost that you 'discover' a new continent.

That also means that a lot of people are not in the office, though the office is open. I'm here because I need money and if I don't work, I don't get paid.

Missing today, among others, are the Bitchface and BigBossLady. But here's the wrench in the works, there were supposed to be 2 interviews today which Bitchface and BigBossLady were supposed to oversee.

The first one showed up, I called around to see who could possibly deal, no one could, so I was forced to send him away and have him reschedule. Not exactly the best business idea. But what could I do. I couldn't let him up without an escort, and even if I could, there would be no one to interview him. He'd just have to sit on his hands in the waiting area and watch people walk around.

Then, about 10 minutes after I sent him away, the BIGboss from England called. Asking what the hell was going on (basically). I explained and he asked to speak with Bitchface. She's not here. Well how about BigBossLady? She's not here either. When will they get there? They're both out on vacation days.

Yikes. He hung up. Another ten minutes later, BigBossLady calls. Asking, again, wtf. I explained and she asks if theres anyone in who can set up a teleconference. Not knowing who the hell in the office could do such a thing, I just read her the sign in sheet of who is here today. Not many. She finally gets an idea, asks to be sent to Sandra, who is lovely.

almost as soon as I hang up with BigBossLady, Bitchface calls. "OMG you should have called me, whats going on?" I explain. "I'm coming in for the second interview!"

30 minutes later, BigBossLady again, "Ok, this is how its going to go. Sandra aided by Harold are going to set up the teleconference. So when the second interviewee shows up, have her escorted by Sandra, take her paperwork, and slip it under my office door. Then call me to let me know that shes there"

OK, no prob bob. Done and Done. Though this whole while I'm stressed wondering how on Earth it will inevitably become my fault. Bitchface is like that.

about 10 minutes after 2nd interviewee shows up, BigBossLady calls again, just checking in. Harold wants to talk to her and so I transfer the call.

Harold comes out a few minutes later and is like, "oooh Bitchface in touble!" I, not hearing him the first time ask him to repeat himself and he spills the beans.

BIGboss in London is pissed at BigBossLady for dropping the ball in her branch. Understandable. But then I mentioned to Harold that I was worried that somehow I'd be in trouble.

"Oh, naw baby! You not in trouble. You just doin your job ya know? BigBossLady said that she was so grateful to us (harold, sandra, and i guess, me) because we going above and beyond you know. She mad at Bitchface."

SO! BIGboss is mad at BigBossLady. And BigBossLady is mad at Bitchface. It remains to be seen if Bitchface will be mad at me. But for now, Bitchface is in trouble with upstairs and I am not!

Ding Dong the Bitch is dead, which old Bitch? The wicked Bitch!

Oh My God, I am So PSYCHIC!

2009-10-08T12:16:00.002-04:00

All day yesterday I had a scene from "the Office" in my head. It's the one where Dwight thinks it's Friday, when it's actually Thursday. Jim encounters Pam going to the bathroom and says the following:

"It's actually Thursday, but Dwight thinks it's Friday....soo...keep that going!"

That line was stuck in my head like all day. Then, sitting on the couch in my apartment, bemoaning the fact that nothing was on, I finally stumbled accross "the Office" on Fox. And guess which episode it was.

CREEEEEEPY!

Meet George Jetson

2009-10-05T08:19:00.000-04:00

Most of us thought that we'd be driving flying cars by now, but don't fret -- at least there've been all kinds of wacky advances made in the world of food.

To name a few? Well, a 27-year-old inventor has created a contraption that allows one to (not even joking) grow their own meat. We're 100% impressed and about 90% grossed out.

Next, a biotech company, already in development of an appetite-suppressing gum, has revealed plans for a new chewy confection: stress-suppressing gum. Again, WHOA.

Finally, we have a British creation: the Hotcan. This line of portable meals features canisters that HEAT YOUR FOOD all by themselves! Very cool. Now WHERE are our flying cars?!

2009-10-02T08:34:00.000-04:00

http://jezebel.com/5372171/7-things-i-loved-about-whip-it

Stranger than Fiction

2009-10-01T11:35:00.004-04:00

Last night I was farted on by a man in a business suit.

Back up: My friend Lauren and I subscribe to a group on facebook called "I heart free Movies DC" I'm sure theres one in your town too. look into it.

Anyway, we get emails about once a day about movies that are free and free events happening around the city. Mostly we ignore them, unless its a movie that we really want to see, or that looks really cool from the synopsis in the email.

Last night we went to see "Whip It" a movie with Ellen Page (of Juno fame) and Alia Shawkat (from Arrested Development). It was about Roller Derby. And it was aweseome! Everyone has to see this movie. Its so kick ass. You walk out feeling like you could totally go ape shit if anyone tries to mess with you. Similar to the feeling that was once described to me by a guy friend after watching a Jet Li movie. Like, 'c'mon rascals and other unsavory characters! Try something!'

Anyway, so the film let out at about 9:30, we got free buttons and invites to go to a REAL Roller Derby exhibition on Halloween Night and Lauren somehow got a free tee shirt (Still very bitter that I didn't get one). We walked back to the Metro, got on our train, found two seats and planted.

There were a fair few people standing, as there almost always are, regardless of how many seats are available. One of the people standing near us was a business man reading a newspaper. About halfway through the ride we smell something truly awful. I asked Lauren if she pooted. She said, "no, did you?" I did not. The only other likely candidate was the business man, and we giggled at the idea.

About 10 minutes later we were pulling into a station and the business man casually dropped his newspaper. He bent over to pick it up and quickly scurried off the train. About 5 seconds later we smell it. He not only farted, you guys. He let one rip with a smell that would peel paint. And the way he did it was designed to make sure that the fart went directly into our faces. His bent over butt was literally inches from Lauren's head.

Seriously, I have not smelled anything that bad since the infamous Krispy Kreme Fart of 2006.

Trying

2009-09-29T14:50:00.003-04:00

I'm really trying to get back to somewhat of a normal routine. The thing is that whatever I do, wherever I go, I know that the last time I did 'this', I had my baby. So, every bus ride, every episode of MASH, hell, even looking at my laundry basket, reminds me that not so long ago, everything was fine.

I go through hours of feeling OK, and then get hit with a wave of total dispair that is surprising because its so uncharacteristic. My biggest worry is that with time the memories will fade. Not disapear, but fade. Right now I can close my eyes and feel her fur on my face. When I used to feel like this I would bury my face in her ruff and just be, feeling her breathing and purring, and it would make things a little better. I can feel it still, but I won't remember that forever. I just wont. Her specific meow, the confused look on her face when she knew you were on the bed, but couldnt quite see you. The look of satisfaction when she had jumped onto your lap and carved herself a nest. Her wandering into the living room and looking for me. She would actually sit and try to find me, and when she made the mistake of jumping on my dad's lap, she would jump down almost immediately and continue the search. Finding me, there was a sense of accomplishment, an air of 'you were hiding but I found you and will now wave my tail under your nose/in front of your book'.

She had fur between her toes, soft and groomed, and she hated it if you touched it. She had fur pantaloons that made her look so comical when she was trying to stalk off in anger. She claimed my bed as her own, sleeping at the end of the bed, so that my legs would be forced into the strangest positions. She would knead her tail, or wave it in front of her own nose, making herself annoyed, and then thrashing the tail harder. She had the softest fur I've ever felt. A friend of mine once got a rabbit's foot and had me feel it, claiming, "you've never felt anything so soft". I had. And I had felt it every day for 16 years.

She was a beutiful cat. She was a coward, she was a diva, she was mine. And I was hers. Should she see me coming down the hall, she would dash ahead of me, wait until I caught up, and dash ahead again, making sure I knew the way to the bedroom. If I was not heading to the bedroom, she would get there, turn and peer around the door frame, seemingly asking, 'well, are you coming?'.

She would run down the stairs in the strangest way. Instead of the one foot at a time method favored by most mammals, she would bounce front legs and then back legs. Somehow, she made the journey pretty fast, but it always sounded like a bowling ball going down the stairs.

She would jump up on my bed while I was trying to get dressed, and position herself exactly where I wanted to sit. She would nuzzle my boobs, my bed posts, my shoes, my door. She would get quite preturbed if you threw your sweatpants over her head, and so evertime I took off my sweatpants, I made sure to do so.

She never wanted anyone to see her eat or go to the bathroom. If you entered the bathroom when either activity was occuring she would either scamper away, or glare at you until she had finished.

I would pull her up onto my chest in the mornings and we'd have a sleepy staring contest. Her feet resting on my collar bone were comforting and kind, even when they started to knead and her claws pierced my skin.

Mostly I will miss the unconditional love that she gave me and I gave her. No matter what, I could always count on the fact that when I went home, there she'd be, on my bed. Waiting for me. I would walk in and she would wake up, try to meow sleepily, try again and end up with a 'meep'. I would meep back at her, confident that all that needed to be said, had been said. When I got stood up for a date in high school, I curled up with my kitten and cried and she just purred at me. When my grandparents died, she sat and watched and nuzzled. When I got into college, she was there, when I didn't get into the college I wanted to, she was there. When everything that has happened in my life, good or bad, since I was in the third grade happend, She was there. Thats the hardest part. Shes never not been there. So many things have happened in my life. Constants in life are few and far between, and for the majority of my life to date, she was one.

I guess this is part of the catharsis. The part of the AA pledge that says that there are things that we cannot control. Death definitely falls into that category. And though I do know that another cat will give me an outlet for the love I've lost, and though I know that another cat may do the things she did, sleep on my bed, meow at me, etc., another cat isn't her.

Its so interesting that I don't really believe in a heaven for people, but I have to believe in a heaven for animals. You never really know people's hearts, no matter how honest they think they're being with you about themselves, there is always something that everyone holds back. Animals dont. They love you regardless of fat, thin, short, tall, happy, sad, etc. And she didn't have to. I know that. Bard didn't love me, he tolerated me. She loved me. And I loved her.

How Strange

2009-09-25T14:27:00.002-04:00

Once again the universe has me beat. Once again, while wallowing in self-pity and the certainty that there is no one remaining in the world who loves me and that smrgl was the only kind thing in my life, the universe comes up with this.

Two of my coworkers, with whom my total relationship has been "good morning" and "have a good night" brought me flowers to brighten my day and as a gesture about my cat. I blurted it out to Alisha as she was signing in this morning, and she and Justin spent their lunch hour buying me lillies.

If I wasn't such a mean ol' biddy, I'd break right down and cry.

You will Cry

2009-09-25T11:31:00.004-04:00

Lend Me a Cat

I will lend to you for awhile
a Kitten, God said,
For you to love her while she lives
and to mourn for her when she is gone.
Maybe for twelve or fourteen years,
or maybe for two or three.
But will you, till I call her back
take care of her for me ?

She'll bring her charms to gladden you
and (should his stay be brief)
you'll always have her memories
as solace for your grief .
I cannot promise that she will stay,
since all from earth return,

But there are lessons taught below
I want this cat to learn.

I've looked the whole world over
in search of teachers true
And from the folk that crowd life's land
I have chosen you.

Now will you give her all your love
Nor think the labour vain
Nor hate me when I come to take

my kitten back again.

I fancied that I heard them say
"Dear Lord Thy WIll Be Done,"
For all the joys this cat will bring,
the risk of grief you'll run.

Will you shelter her with tenderness
Will you love her while you may
And for the happiness you'll know forever grateful stay.

But should I call her back
much sooner than you've planned
Please brave the bitter grief that comes
and try to understand.
If, by your love, you've managed
my wishes to achieve,
In memory of her that you've loved,

cherish every moment with your faithful bundle,
and know she loved you too.

I Watched Too Much Grey's Anatomy

2009-09-23T10:07:00.004-04:00

This just in:

I was sitting at my desk, minding my own, when I hear a baby crying. Of course, my mind immediately jumps to that Grey's Anatomy where the chick had her baby in the bathroom and put it in the trash.

I was like, OHMIGOD theres a baby in the bathroom trash! What do I do?!

Then my third thoughts* kicked in. 'hang on', they said, 'people have been in and out of the bathroom all morning, including you. the crying is really sporadic and is much clearer than it would be coming out of the wastebasket in a bathroom. Chillax. If it keeps happening with no indication that anyone is dealing with it, assume no ones dealing with it and check it out.'

Turns out a father in my office had brought his 10 month old daughter in for a moment to grab some stuff to work from home. She had a fever and couldnt go to daycare, so he was on duty to stay with her, and needed some papers that he had left on his desk.

Those TV shows can really mess you up! Just like everytime I watch House I think I'm getting Rabies or whatever.

*First Thoughts are the everyday thoughts. Everyone has those. Second Thoughts are the thoughts you think about the way you think. People who enjoy thinking have those. Third Thoughts are thoughts that watch the world and think all by themselves. They’re rare, and often troublesome.

Subterfuge in B major

2009-09-23T09:10:00.002-04:00

So it is 9 am, and Harold my BFF at my new job isnt in yet. He is the mail guy, handles pick ups and deliveries and goes down to let delivery men in with their wares.

This morning there was a HUGE shipment of boxes, and I mean huge. I called Sandra, one of the ladies who takes over parts of Harold's duties when hes not in. She went down, saw how much there was and came back up to get a hand-truck. As she was heading down the second time she says to me, "I'm not carrying all that crap. I think I'll just tell him that I'm pregnant"

And she did!

Warning! Boob Related Content

2009-09-18T15:47:00.001-04:00

There are plants in my office. It gives the place a little more homey feel, but it also gives the place gnats.

They especially like to fly around me, since I am at the reception desk and there are more plants per sqare inch in reception than anywhere else in the office.

Anyway, I usually just clap them to death when they get in my face, then purell like whoa.

Today one flew down my shirt. And got stuck. And so, I had to kill it. With my boobs.

We can now add 'homicidal' to the adjectives that can accurately describe them.

Le sigh.

2009-09-17T09:02:00.008-04:00

I'd like to marry all of my close friends,

live in a big house together,

by an angry sea.

-Of Montreal, Don't ask me to explain

This is one of my favorite lyrics of all time because its so strange, yet so real. Who wouldn't want to marry all of their close friends and live in a big house with them by the sea? I certainly would.

Anyway, I never thought I'd run accross something on the internet that was so closely tied to that lyric and that feeling than this:

This is a straight up, honest to God, 15th Century Scottish Castle. It is available to rent for extended periods of time with a full household staff including chef, masseur, gillie, and ranger.

They also have what they call Open House Parties, where there are multiple paying guests, and the activities are planned out beforehand, as opposed to cutomized to the individual renter.

This is absolutely on my list of things that I would do at least once a year if I had the means. I mean c'mon! An entire estate to yourself and friends, the whole wide outdoors of the Scottish Highlands to wander around in, céilidhs in the evenings, fishing, falconry, boat rides around the loch, even archery!

Can you think of a better way to spend a week or two? I really can't. I know that this all sounds way too outdoorsey for me, and maybe it would be, but should I get tired of being muddy/cold, I could always head back into the CASTLE and get a massage. Or read a book from their extensive and ancient library (old books being one of my absolutely favorite things on the planet!) by a roaring fire and have scones and tea. Or take a walk to the nearby village and go shopping.

And for those of you who make fun of me for occasionally buying lotto tickets, you're not invited!

Third Post of the Day

2009-09-16T15:55:00.002-04:00

Wow, I'm really on a blogging roll today!

The most awesome Norman Borlaug died on September 12th at the age of 95.

Mr. Borlaug was the inventer of dwarf wheat, a special wheat hybrid that grew twice the amount of food in the same space as traditional wheat. He won the Nobel Peace Prize and is credited with saving over 245 million lives worldwide.

And if anyone says anything about the celebrity death triangle, I'll punch you in the dwarf wheat, dig?

Everything I Need to Know About Politics, I learned from Walt Disney

2009-09-16T15:28:00.006-04:00

So last night Lauren and I watched the Disney Robin Hood. The only reason to watch this movie (which we have both seen many times) is that Harold was making a lot of noise yesterday and after a particularly loud crash my exclamation was, "crimenitley!"* And thus, Robin Hood.

*For those of you who don't know this word or reference. I really can't help you.

As we were watching it, I realized that here was a perfect analogy for the current healthcare ~~clusterfuck~~ debate.

Go with me on this people.

The left wing sees the Obama healthcare plan that provides ONE option in addition to those that we already have available, as a version of Robin Hood. We see it as an additional tax on less than 1% of the richest families in the US, to help pay for the care of the 99% of families who for whatever reason, are without care. Taking from the rich, to redistribute among the poor.

The right wing sees the Obama administration as Prince John/The Sherrif of Nottingham. That he wants to tax everyone into poverty, reducing the middle class to the bedraggled masses protrayed in Robin Hood, and counting his money every night with Michelle as Sir Hiss.

Honestly, thats the divide. Now if people could just find some sort of middle ground and see that there may be some of each of the two opposites in the plan, maybe we could have a correct, polite, and open debate.

Courtesy Blogg

2009-09-16T15:14:00.005-04:00

Hello all you dutiful readers (snorts up sleeve), this post is from an email message. The Bloggstress in question worries that the woman of the story reads her blog, so she asks that I post it. And she is correct, the tale is right up my alley. I will try to post with little to no interuptions to the original message, but should I feel the need to, I will be in this font.

A woman I know has lived in Greenwich Village her entire adult life (and she’s 40-something), which is sad enough right there. She gets all enthusiastic about seeing anything with chlorophyll. Seriously, she posted a bunch of photos of weeds and asked her readers to identify them. One of them (no shit) was crabgrass. Maybe I should stop and smell the crabgrass. I like to think of myself as a person who can find the beauty in things. But … crabgrass? Really? You don’t know what this plant is?

Anyway, lately she’s had this saga that is going to KILL you (and your dad). She wanted to hang a bird feeder, after someone kindly identified a ROBIN for her in a photo. (I am not kidding.) She hung this bird feeder out on her fire escape, and then agonized that the birds weren’t finding it. Pigeons and doves would just perch on the railing but ignore the feeder. I didn’t have the heart to tell her, pigeons/doves feed on the GROUND. I kept hoping she’d get some REAL birds to be excited about, but no.

Eventually she gathered a regular crowd of birds – pigeons – that would eat and poop all over the fire escape (mainly because her feeder kept falling down and spilling, so they could eat on the floor). Of course, the falling of the feeder was a crisis situation. She tried one solution after another to keep the feeder hanging – a hook that got dislodged somehow, a piece of wood balanced between the railings, I don’t remember what all. (It was nearly as riveting as the weeks she spent trying to find a litter pan that would keep the cat piss off the wall.)

Anyway, she had “birds” and she was happy. But then the bird shit started getting to be a problem. So she tried to cover her fire escape with a plastic drop sheet, and we went through several iterations of that, where to anchor it and how to place the bricks, and how to clean the poop off the iron grates. Her biggest fear was that her presence on the fire escape would scare the birds away.

[Personal note: I would consider it a triumph to have scared pigeons away. I’ve found them to be pretty unscare-able. When I lived with your mom and worked in DC, I was always trying to kick one.] Personal note from me: I have sucessfully kicked a pigeon and will never attempt to ever again ever. Not because the plight of the forlorn pigeon has touched my heart, or that I think of them as anything other than flying rats; but because after your foot makes contact you spend the rest of the day thinking, 'oh my god, part of my body touched a pigeon! I need to boil my foot! or scrub with lye!'

All was quiet for a few days, and we had more photos of fat pigeons hanging out on the plastic-covered balcony, while the indoor cats looked out the window and plotted. BUT THEN! TRAGEDY! (Brace yourself.) Other tenants in the building complained about the spilled seeds, feathers and bird shit, and the blogger was asked to remove her feeder.

She was heartbroken. I pulled a muscle laughing.

Then there was the remorse over those poor hungry birdies relying on her for the feeder, which wasn’t there anymore. She found an undisclosed location for the feeder, but she’s not sure she’ll keep it filled if she doesn’t get to share in the joy of watching the birds herself. (Pigeons! They’re fat lazy dirty sluggish nasty PIGEONS!) So, although she contemplated leaving a trail of seeds from her fire escape to the new location (again, I am not making this up), she was afraid she’d be setting them up for disappointment when the feeder wasn’t kept filled.

Another personal note from me: I hate to have a blog post without pictures, I dont know why but i do. deal. But when I was combing the internet for Pigeon pics, they were all so gross and ... pigeoney. Blech. Then I found this one. I think the pigeon is really an afterthought. So everyone, enjoy the baby monkey cuddling a pigeon!

Work Weirdness

2009-09-15T10:54:00.003-04:00

Someone just came up to me with a comb.

And they said they found it on the floor, and thought they should turn it into me in case someone was looking for it.

this raises the following questions:
Who brings their own comb to work?
Who, after having brought a comb to work, doesnt notice when they drop it?
Why would they then expect it to be in the lost and found?

I just threw it away. it was gross and still had hairs on it. (yech!). I told Harold that if somone comes up to me looking for it then they could go through the trash for it, or i would just buy them a new one. It was one of those Goody combs that cost like 50 cents at cvs. weird and gross

also, theres this lady that rides my bus everyday. and everyday she gets on with like 3 full tote bags and then is surprised that she has to pay.

EVERY DAY! so she goes through this whole thing where she either plops her shit down on a seat and then goes up to the front, making the bus wait that much longer, OR she blocks other people from getting on while she tries to manage getting money out while her arms are full with her 3 tote bags.

I'm like, LADY, THE BUS COSTS MONEY EVERYDAY! DONT LOOK SO DAMN SURPRISED! BE READY WHEN THE BUS GETS THERE, YOU'RE CLEARLY WAITING FOR IT, BE PREPARED!

maybe its a brilliant scheme to not pay, because honestly some drivers are like, just go away. but she annoys the crap out of me. and then she switches seats at like every stop. She'll move up a row everytime a seat clears until she's right up front and then she'll sit at the very edge of her seat like shes trying to get further up and she just cant. I'm like, whats your glitch? you'll get to your stop at the same time no matter how close you sit to the door, i promise.

Back to things that make me happy

2009-09-14T08:53:00.005-04:00

Have you guys seen the Christian Siriano Fall/Winter collection? Probably not because it was only shown like 2 days ago, but if you can find pics of it online (i found them on jezebel, natch), then I highly recommend it.
Whatever your feelings for him are after his stint on Project Runway, the clothes are beautiful! Well, he goes a little nutty round the middle, cat suits in metalic blue leather.... odd, but otherwise, they are just beautiful.

There are several dresses that I would add to my wardrobe in a second! He does a lot with chiffon and oooh, pretty.

See the rest of the collection here.

this job may end in homicide

2009-09-10T14:01:00.001-04:00

Bitchface just said:

"I think women who are raped deserve it. Don't put yourself in that situation, you know? like, they dress all provocatively and then they're like 'ooohhh rape'. Get over yourselves."

I am speechless.

As Always, Aaron Sorkin Espresses my feelings better than I do

2009-09-10T12:15:00.002-04:00

"We all need some therapy, because somebody came along and said, "'Liberal' means soft on crime, soft on drugs, soft on Communism, soft on defense, and we're gonna tax you back to the Stone Age because people shouldn't have to go to work if they don't want to!" And instead of saying, "Well, excuse me, you right-wing, reactionary, xenophobic, homophobic, anti-education, anti-choice, pro-gun, Leave It To Beaver trip back to the Fifties...!", we cowered in the corner, and said, "Please. Don't. Hurt. Me." No more. I really don't care who's right, who's wrong. We're both right. We're both wrong. Let's have two parties, huh? What do you say?"

-West Wing, Season 3, "Gone Quiet"

Safely Disregaring Opinions

2009-09-10T10:09:00.003-04:00

I contemplated for about 4 seconds whether I should write this post. It concerns a coworker whom I try to be civil to, but whom I would gladly choke to death. Since this is going on the internet in a rather public forum, I pondered the idea of talking smack about this woman. Though I will not use her name, were she ever to read this, she could easily determine that I was talking about her, and then I would be easily fired. But, I consoled myself that the only ways she could find this blog are:

1) If I gave her the url. Since I hate pretty much everything she stands for and vice-versa, I doubt that I'll be inviting her into my inner-most thoughts.

2) If she got the link from my facebook profile. Again, since I truly despise her, I will not be her facebook friend, even if she asks, which she wont.

3) If she figures out my online name (arielbop) and then does an in depth internet search of said name. again, we are not on anything like the terms where I would disclose my parents nickname for me, so she would have no reason to discover it. Unless she's so obsessed with me that she seriously online stalks me.

Now that all of that is out of the way, on to the post.

My pet name for her among my friends is the Bitchface, so I think that's what we'll be sticking with here.

Today, Bitchface decided to spew some more of her republican juice on me, determined that she will somehow transform me into a new Republican clone. She descried Obama's school speech, claiming that it is socialist rhetoric, and that he's not actually an American. Oh yes, thats a thing! Then when I explained for the umpteenth time that I am a DEMOCRAT and very far to the LEFT on many many many issues, the following came out of Bitchface's mouth;
"I think you'd be a republican if your parents were more down to Earth"

OH NO YOU DIDN'T BITCH!

This made me so angry that I could spit! Honestly! Who the hell does she think she is? I have itemized my anger thus;

A) What the fuck are you doing insulting my parents whom you've never met?!
B) Who the fuck do you think you are telling me what I should believe?!
C) Why the fuck do you think that I can't make political decisions for myself and need parental approval to have a thought in my head?!

This is the same woman who is a proud Anne Coulter fan. The same woman who believes that in the very public divorce, Jon Gosselin is the responsible parent. The same woman who has a comic strip at her desk that essentially claims that all Democrats want to do is give out free things to those who 'don't deserve it'.

While I do believe that there are people in this country who take advantage of government programs, there is nothing in my soul that would stop said programs. If it is within my power to help someone who needs help, I will always help. ALWAYS!

Its even in the damn Declaration of Independence! Written by a founding father. You know, the founding fathers that the Republicans claim to know personally or some shit. Here's the direct quote;

"But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such government, and to provide new guards for their future security"

That means that when something is wrong, those who have the ability to fix it have the RESPONSIBILITY to fix it. It is our DUTY!

I don't think I could hate this woman more if she were inside me EATING HER WAY OUT.

But my good friend Lauren provided me with a calming new mantra. "Well, she likes Ann Coulter. So I think we can safely disregard most of her opinions"

Now whenever she decides to spew her bile on me, I'll just repeat in my head 'safely disregard all of her opinions. safely disregard all of her opinions.'

Things that make me Happy!

2009-09-10T09:05:00.001-04:00

http://jezebel.com/5355688/another-day-another-gop-politician-forsaking-his-vows

As the commenter says: Its Schadenfreudelicious!

Morning Annoyances

2009-09-09T08:48:00.000-04:00

Maybe its just because the weather is crappy for like the third day in a row, but I'm annoyed at things this morning.

1) on the bus this morning was the one sour and not at all pleasant guy from my office. Which means that we had to ride the bus together and then get off at the same stop, and then wait to cross the street and then wait for the elevator and then ride the elevator, all in complete awkward silence. yech.

2) the tv that is just out of hearing range from my desk keeps playing a news story about sesame street. And though I can't hear the news story, I can sure as hell hear the Sesame Street theme song. Now, god knows I love the street, but those kids voices are pretty piercing, plus they are playing it at apparently random intervals, so just as soon as i get it out of my head here it comes again, "CAN YOU TELL ME HOW TO GET!!!" urgh. loud and super annoying.

At least I didnt have to deal with a coffee lake this morning.

A Visit from the Fuck Up Fairy

2009-09-08T13:26:00.002-04:00

Story Time:

Once upon an age ago, when my paternal grandfather was still living and when the family went to my grandparent's house for every holiday, something happened.

Well, obviously something happened, or I wouldn't have remembered it, and this would be a really short story.

In my grandparent's house there were certain jobs done by certain people. I'm sure its the same in every home, though, of course, assigned tasks in one home could be the miscellaneous ones in another. In my grandparent's home the assigned tasks at mealtimes were as follows. Grandma made dinner, Grandpa ate dinner. Grandma made and dressed the salad, Grandpa 'tossed' the salad (I'm pretty sure it was tossed in the kitchen before it made its way to the dining room). Grandpa made the coffee.

OK, this fateful day, grandpa went into the kitchen as usual to make the coffee and came back out to the dining room as usual. Grandma, after letting enough time go by for coffee to have been made, went into the kitchen to serve the coffee. But instead of finding a full pot of coffee in the middle of her gleaming counter in the middle of her gleaming kitchen, she found coffee all over the floors and counters. Grandpa had forgotten to put the pot under the coffee maker. And of such things are familial legends made.

Fast forward about 20 years.

I came into work this morning after sucessfully navigating the bus, put down my purse and headed to the kitchen to get my coffee to start the day. I'm sure all of you can see what is coming. I entered the kitchen to find a waterfall of coffee streaming into a lake of coffee. Someone had begun a pot when there was already a full pot under the spout. The coffee was fountaining out of the pot in every way imaginable, the coffee was flowing freely down the cupboards, the dishwasher, everything.

As I am one of the first people in the office every morning, there were only 3 possible culprits. I contemplated all three of them as I mopped coffee from every imaginable surface and went through 5 rolls of paper towels.

Colleen: Not possible. She is the token mousey lady of the office. Sad little features, oversized and horribly out of date glasses. Likely leads a sad little life. Besides which, she doesnt drink coffee, only milk from her own gallon jug that she brings in every monday.

BJ: Big boss lady. hardly likely to cause such a calamity. VERY experienced coffee drinker, plus purchaser of coffee and paper towels. Plus, she came into the kitchen about halfway through the clean-up, exclaimed, and assisted.

Allen: Likeliest candidate. super deep voice that actually vibrates my bones. Unpleasant. Plus has a penchent for not really paying attention. He never tells me when he is expecting a package (a safety protocol), or when he is expecting a courier to drop by (another safety protocol). Occasionally drops big boxes of things at the front desk, leaving me to deal with them, and on more than one occasion has deposited said box into my hands as the phone was ringing. Not exactly Mr. Observant.

So Allen probably did it. As I scurried from the kitchen to the supply closet for paper towels I passed his desk. Everytime. Not once did he look up. Not once did he seem to be at all preturbed by the fact that every woman in the office was hustling to and fro from the kitchen in various states of disgust and coffee stainedness. I must confess to very uncharitable thoughts towards him.

OK, so maybe it was a mistake (and honestly, who could have done it on purpose), but as Maria (another helpful soul who immediately set down her empty mug to join in the coffee cleaning) said, 'who doesn't check the pot before they push the button? Couldn't they see that it was full?!'

Though I didn't really mind the work, especially once I had help, I do mind the obliviousness that such an incident implies. He was oblivious to the mistake, oblivious to the clean up, oblivious to every woman giving him death eyes all day. I hope that BJ made good on her threat to 'have a quiet word' with him, and that he is so mortified that he improves his behavior. But probably not.

2009-09-04T09:10:00.003-04:00

My car got towed last night.

Ok, lets back up and encompass the whole story. Yesterday was the official last day in the old crappy apartment, everything was vacuumed, packed, moved, and keys were dropped off at the rental office. peachy. Actually it was rather exciting, I never have to be in that place again! YAY!

anyway, after finishing that up, I had a movie date with my mom and my cousin to see Julie & Julia, and yes, it is an awesome movie! See it!

After the movie I made the very sleepy trek back to the new apartment, parked at the first spot I saw and made my way to the 6th floor to collapse into bed.

This morning I went down to where I had left my car and it was gone. As were the cars that had been surrounding it. Apparently in my sleepy state I failed to notice the giant NO PARKING FIRE LANE signs, and just parked between the other two cars that were there. All 3 of us got towed.

So I talked to the guy at the front desk, he told me that, yes indeed I had been towed (and now I need a helpful comment!) and that I could pick it up at the impound lot and it would cost $100. suck.

However. Since moving and starting the new job, I have been threatening myself that I MUST start taking the bus to work. It costs $6 a day to park in the lot under my office and it costs $2.50 round trip to take the bus. Thats a worthwhile savings, wouldn't ya say?

My hesitation springs from the fact that (and here I will open myself to much ridicule), I have never taken the bus in my life. Oh sure, I took the school bus for 2 years in high school. And I've taken my fair share of airport shuttle buses, but never have I taken a public commuter bus. Ever.

And so my image of buses and people who ride them is taken solely from television and movies, where if they include a bus scene, its usually because there is a crazy person wearing a tin-foil hat and talking to himself. This I did not want to encounter. Really did not want to encounter.

But, with the towing, my hand was pretty much forced. And my lovely roommate (a veteran busser) offered to walk with me to the stop (down the block from our building) and make sure I got on the right bus and was pointed in the right direction.

I even managed to pull the thingy at the right time and get off across the street from my office, and I ended up being only 10 minutes late! despite the having to talk to the front desk guy at the apartment and figuring out the bus online and walking to the bus stop and freaking out that I would be accosted by a crazy person.

And in truth, there was a crazy-type person, who talked to himself the whole time. At first I thought he just had a speech impediment and a blue-tooth, but close examination of his head revealed no blue-tooth. But probably aliens. Anyway, I pretty much ignored him, except when he pointed out that I had dropped my cell phone (those aliens are perceptive). I thanked him, and even remembered to be polite and thank the bus driver.

All in all, I'm kind of OK. Yeah picking up my car is gonna suck (again, my only image of impound lots is taken from tv and movies, especially the scene in "In her Shoes" where Cameron Diaz is almost raped at an impound lot. Yikes!), but my dad will be with me and it will be daylight, and my dad is a pretty scary to people who dont know him, so the chances of me being raped are close to none (knock wood).

Anyway, thats been my morning. And honestly, I'm not that freaked anymore. I'm a little proud of myself for being so grown up about it (except for needing my daddy to protect me at the impound lot.... and needing my roommate to walk me to the bus stop...OK maybe not so grown-up after all...) and I really feel like everything will be OK, I will take the bus to work on Tuesday, and survive, and life will be hunky dorey. I hope.

PICS

2009-09-02T13:17:00.008-04:00

Welp, thanks to Awesome Aunt Kay, I now know how to send pics from my phone to the internet and then post them here! so prepare to be amazed.

Pic #1: Killer outfit lady from the back in the kitchen. As you can see this is one of the purple outfits, and what you can't see is the gold accent pieces, shoes, bangles, long necklace, etc.

Pic #2: Killer outfit lady today. Sailor-type striped shirt with awesome ruffles. The missing elements are the cream pencil skirt and the skyscraper heels.

Pics #3 & 4: The Tat! The first one is right after it was done, hence the redness and the puffiness and the grossness. The one on the right is the tattoo today. Actually about 5 minutes ago thanks to this new and awesome technology!

Pic #5: To Finish, the cat trying to get into the refridgerator. Or as he thinks of it, "the magic box where yummy milk and super fun frozen ice cube toys come from!" And yes, he really is climbing into the fridge, onto the bottom shelf, and yes he does this every day. im not kidding.

Thank God for the Internet

2009-09-01T10:50:00.002-04:00

...or i'd be really bored at work. example from today:

me: ok i have to tell you about my dream
you and me and lauren were living together and all sharing a bed, and we were all in bed and i was mad at you guys for playing wii without me, so i turned off the lights and rolled over to try to sleep
and you wanted me to not be annoyed with you so you elbowed me and rolled on top of me and fell asleep
and i was even more annoyed with you
and then i woke up still annoyed at you
but im not annoyed anymore, because it was a dream and you didnt actually roll on top of me last night
...right?
Carrie: hahahahaha
No Ariel, I actually got lonely in the middle of the night so I came over and rolled over on you
me: lol
what an image
you sneaking down the hall all tiptoe-y and rolling on top of me in bed
Carrie: I put a wig on you and I just laid there and spooned you
but I dunno how a wig to make you a guy would work
me: is that gay?
Carrie: not gay at all
How can that be gay if I pretend youre a man

zebra fun

2009-08-27T13:21:00.002-04:00

ok so today i am wearing my zebra cartigan and black pants, really a top of the pile wardrobe choice, but people have been commenting all day that my coffee cup matches my shirt. I laugh and say something like, "oh yeah, I love all things zebra print, this was a fluke"

well i had a mini conversation about it with a lady in the kitchen while i was eating my lunch and just now she came up to me and handed me 2 zebra shaped paperclips! so awesome and nice of her!

i love having an obsession with something that people can easily find and then give me. its like christmas every day!

in other news

2009-08-26T14:49:00.001-04:00

awesome outfit lady is rocking some serious balls to the wall fashion today. very joan jett like.

neon colors splashy print guaze tunic over a white tank top and pink neon skinny jeans. and awesome black peep toe patten black booties. with the platinum blonde hair down and loose and a huge bangle bracelet.

she may very well be the new claudia kishi. if she comes to work with a telephone cord belt, i may have to stalk her forever.

Lead me not into Temptation. Or shoe stores

2009-08-26T14:06:00.012-04:00

I've got that feeling again. The urge. Its coming over me. I need shoes!

The new lines for Fall/Winter have hit the stores and web and oh my. there are just too many lovely things!

I once read a story about a woman who spent her rent money on books, and her parents reimbursed her. Now, I doubt that my spending has gotten that out of control (in fact I know it hasnt) and I doubt that my parents would be as understanding as this womans. But it does raise an interesting point.

If the woman had spent that money on something else, alcohol for example, then her parents would be painted as the worst kind of enablers, not only supplying but encouraging their daughters addiction.

But since the addiction here is not a controlled substance, but the written word, the story is a lighthearted cocktail party anecdote about the lengths some people will go to for books.

Now, my addiction to books is no trifling thing, but I fear it may be getting a run for its money from my shoe addiction.

The library is such a wonder don't you think? I remember realizing that the library let you have books for free! FREE! can you imagine the glory. You get to keep them for the better part of a month in most cases, and unless you are late in returning them, they are free! Un-Be-Lieve-A-Ble!

I don't think my shoe addiction can be so easily offset though. Were there a service to provide people with used and reused shoes, I would likely not frequent it, nor would many of the people that I know. Used Shoes!? yech.

I don't have much else to say on the matter, only that I have been very good for very long, not having the means to support my shoe habit, but now gainfully employed, my resolve may weaken. Here are some of the authors of my upcoming undoing!

What a Calamity!

2009-08-12T09:19:00.007-04:00

Last night, during our weekly dinner and movie night, I brought Lauren a choice of two of my favorite childhood films. I called them the choice of opposites.

The first one was Father Goose. Cary Grant as a scruffy, dirty, possibly smelly, certainly cranky, sometimes pirate during the second world war. Costaring Leslie Caron of Gigi fame, and generally fabulous movie as Goodie Two-Shoes (Caron) and the Filthy Beast (Grant) butt heads with hillarious results.

The second choice I offered Lauren was Calamity Jane. Dorris Day as the rough and tumble tomboy of the old west.

Since Lauren had already seen Father Goose (!), we opted for Calamity. Now, I watched that VHS tape about once a week for probably close to 6 months in my youth. I had the lyrics and dances memerized, and when feeling put upon, would adopt a most Calamity-like attitude (to my parents chagrin).

As I watched it again last night, and for the first time in probably 15 years, I realized the impact that this specific movie had on me, and also hopefully on a number of other young girls. See, Calamity is the ultimate Tomboy. She can ride, she can shoot, she can use a bull whip. She drinks, she brags, she rescues the man she loves. You could never imagine Calamity Jane up in a tower waiting for her prince to come and rescue her. And if she were to ride off into the sunset with her sweetheart, she'd want her own horse.

Calamity never even feels like she isn't enough for whichever man she wants. She sees the frills and fripperies of the women in Chicago (or "Chicagi" as she insists on calling it) and smiles into her sleeve. When she mistakes the wooden cigar store Indian for a real one and gets laughed at, she laughs along with them. Nothing can shake her belief that what shes doing must be right, for the mere fact that she's doing it.

The fact that she's played by Dorris Day doesn't hurt either. Here was this beautiful Hollywood actress, famous for staring alongside Rock Hudson as the blonde and blue eyed babe, and the put her in hideously stained deerskin and gave her a crappy hat, and she owned it.

Even after her "makeover" from Katie, she never loses herself, as so many of today's 'heroines' do. She may be in the beautiful pink dress, but shes still wearing her favorite old coat, a present from Custer. She may have the attention of every man at the dance, and a full dance card, but she still borrows a gun and shoots a tea cup out of a rivals hand.

At the end of the movie, after shes gotten the man and according to all hollywood female lead conventions, should be content to be quiet and submissive and obedient, chases down a stage coach, jumps onto it mid-ride and returns with lady fair.

One of my favorite moments in the film is as shes riding out to rescue Katie, she passes Bill (her man) and when he calls out, "Where're you going?" she turns around, gallops back to him, kisses him, and heads back on her merry way. No explanation, not even any words, just a kiss and off she goes.

Now thats a leading lady!

Aaaand we're back

2009-08-11T09:40:00.001-04:00

killer outfit lady is back to killer outfits. Todays is a fabulous purple cocktail dress with a slight bubble hem and interesting rouching on the sleeves. a wide black patent leather belt with awesome glittery sort of kitschey belt buckle and super high wedges.

I envy almost every one of her outfits. except yesterday's disaster

Note: My friend Lauren commented that she would not only like to hear more about this woman and her fashion choices ("you should write a fashion blog about her!") but also demands pictoral evidence. This could get tricky. I could endeavor to snap her with my camera phone, but that brings up 3 problems.

1. the pictures themselves will likely not do justice to the awesomeness/awefulness of the outfit in question.

2. Taking a picture of someone with a phone is fairly obvious and I dont want to be known as the weird taking pictures of people girl

3. Once taken, I am not entirely sure how to remove said picture from my phone and get it into a place where i can post it on the internet.

Otherwise, sure.

In fact I may attempt a picture today. Though since the first glimse of her coming in to work, I have yet to see her. we shall wait and see

Urbane Outfitters

2009-08-10T13:43:00.002-04:00

This post may sound a bit catty, but bear with me. I know that sometimes people have slip ups and as my friend lauren commented on the story, "Everyone's entitled to an off day". Even so.

Also I feel that I should clarify that I do not sit at the reception desk and judge outfits all day. Only the ones that catch my eye as remarkable, either good or bad.

So theres this chick at my office who has flawless straight long blonde hair. She has the slightly plumped angelina lips that might or might not be botoxed and she always wears killer outfits. I mean killer. Like one day last week she was wearing like a pesanty-type top with a long thin glitter scarf and a beautiful long mermaid skirt made out of purple suede.

I enjoy her outfits. So I just assumed, OK this is the chick with the killer outfits.

Today she is wearing a dress. Let me paint you a little picture. dark red and brown floral. FLORAL. with lace around the scoop collar. and shoulder pads.

EUGH

I suppose the lace up gladiator sandals are supposed to make this better, but seriously MY GOD! I had that dress in 1995 when I was still young and impressionable and it was in some sort of fashion.

Update: I just noticed the matching rosette in the midst of the lace. In the immortal words of Cathy, "AAACK"

Presents of Mind

2009-08-05T16:00:00.004-04:00

You know, as materialistic as I am generally reported to be (and lets face it, I really am), I keep forgetting that birthday= presents.

Don't get me wrong, I do not forget that my birthday is coming up. Far from it. I keep remembering it all day every day. But I periodically realize with pleasant surprise that I will be recieving gifts! Its like when Christmas rolls around and I get so swept up in the buying for others and anticipating their reactions and looking forward to all the merriment involved in Christmas that I forget that presents to ME will be under the tree.

So, I will be getting presents! Me! How exciting and stragely unexpected!

I keep focusing on the celebration parts of my birthday, setting up the dinner with friends, figuring out which family members will be around for my birthday (no sarcastic bile associated with this. People are busy and let me know far in advance with many apologies), when I will get a family birthday dinner, etc. But it just hit me, perhaps for the first time this birthday year, that I will get presents.

Yaay! Celebrate meeeee!

bathroom breaks

2009-08-04T15:09:00.003-04:00

I got to thinking about bodily functions today. The reason? I really had to pee. Not only did I really have to pee, but I really had to pee at a really inconvenient time. Usually I pee when I go to lunch and then before I leave. But today, I had to pee BADLY 2 hours before I was scheduled to leave. That was a problem. I feared that if I ran to the bathroom and thus neglected my post at the front desk there would immediately be 8 calls and 5 visitors and then someone would get mad at me and ... etc.

Of course no rational person would be angry with an employee for having to pee, but thats just it. These fears are irrational. I fear being in trouble. The why is not important, it would be enough that I was in trouble.

In relaying these concerns via gchat with a friend of mine she said, "relax, everybody pees".

This got me thinking about a book that many have read and few forget, "Everybody Poops". The story is fairly simplistic: "An elephant makes a big poop. A mouse makes a tiny poop," and so the text goes, describing all sorts of creatures and people who eat and thus defecate. The most interesting and thought provoking of the pooping examples are the following; The pope poops. The president poops. The president's wife poops. The Queen of England poops. Everybody poops.

I must admit, such thoughts never occured to me, even as a semi-adult. I read "Everybody Poops" to my babysitting charge and was really astonished. "wow!", I thought, "Everybody really does poop!" Its a thought that is so obvious that you never really examine it. Such notable figures of the church and state. People you know, celebrities, your boss. Everybody! Some people I can easily imagine pooping. Like Britany Spears. She looks like a pooper. But others, say, Angelina Jolie. I cannot for the life of me imagine her pooping. It seems like such a plebian activity that would be so beneath her that she might not even know what it is. Likewise the Queen of England. Yet they must!

Intriguing, no?

Itchy and Scratchy

2009-07-31T09:59:00.002-04:00

Moving away from anything like the serious topics that I've been harping on lately, such as work troubles and child abuse, I'll now discuss my skin disfiguration and my need for clothes*

*OK, so not NEED persay. Like not how homeless people NEED shelter. But if I want to be able to rotate outfits more than once a week and not incite comment on my lack of interesting clothing options, then I require some more interesting clothing options, dig? Plus I spent a significant portion of this morning playing on one of my fav sites What Claudia Wore and that blogstress is equally funny and awesomely dressed. Making me covet everything she wears and discusses. Thus, new clothes.

A few weeks ago I was sitting on the couch watching the new SciFi** show "Warehouse 13" and noticed that my arms were more than usually itchy. Looking down I noticed that my left arm was pretty badly covered in bug bites and that my right arm was only slightly less affected. I (at the urging of my dad) put on long sleeves and that seemed to mollify the bites' need for scratching. Since that fateful day I have awoken every morning to new bites. The bugs seem to have tired of my arms and have moved on to my hands. I have scratched at the bites so that they have begun to bleed, scab, and re-bleed when I pick at the scabs. (This post is starting out really disgustingly, I apologize). My current thought, planted originally by my mother, is that these are somehow not bites, but some sort of reaction or hive-type item. So I have half planned to see the doctor sometime this weekend. I must stop awaking to new bites/itchy bumps. I MUST! I look like a medieval pox victim and were we living in a less enlightened time, I would surely be shunned out of the village/be shipped to the leper colony. As it is, I would be hesitant to touch me/sit next to me were I an onlooker onto these arms. Oh my god, maybe I have leprocy! Lemme check WebMD!

OK apparently these bumps are not immediately indicitive of leprocy. Whew! Leprocy bumps are apparently numb little bumps and these suckers are neither numb nor little. Though there was an interesting article about who is most attractive to mosquitos.

I've always been something of a mosquito magnet. They have always seemed to prefer my milky white skin to my more swarthy companions. But really, this is the worst that it has ever been! EVER! I can never go through a summer totally unbitten, and most summer days I have at least 5 bites going, but for realz! A quick count of my left arm from elbow to fingertips yeilded 43! and thats only elbow to fingertips! I have more on my upper arm, PLUS an entire right arm unaccounted for! MY GOD!

Moving on. I think I will head to Target after work today. I have realized in my grabbing clothes for work each morning that my work wardrobe is severly limited. I have one pair each of comfy black and comfy khaki pants and one pair of comfy plaid grey pants. I have a spattering of tops that can easily mix and match with said pants, and a TON of black ballet flats (seriously, they're too cute not to buy, especially since they're almost always on super-sale), but only one pair of brown flats. Zero interestingly colored flats. For serious, I DO NOT NEED MORE SHOES! but I do think that I should invest in some more work shoes. 5 pairs of black flats against 1 pair of brown! And I have equal amounts (1 each) of black vs. brown work pants. That ratio is completely unfair, no?

Plus how awesome would it be if, say fr'instance, I was rocking the grey plaid (with subtle red and black and white lines in the plaid) with a black top, pretty much a blah outfit but then BAM, red flats with like maybe a cute bluckle or rhinestones or something equally amazing?! I'd date me.

**I remain using the somewhat original spelling of the network, as they have recently changed it to "SyFy" in order to appear more "hip". In matter of fact it makes them appear more intellegence challenged and contributes to the downfall of American and therefore world culture. They are encouraging txtspeak and thus are ushering in the end of the world. Seriously, SciFi, you have taken the end of the world's ticket, torn off the perforated bit and are showing the end of the world to its seat!

And so, I must go to Target. Siiiiigh. What a burden. Plus I need band-aids for my many bleeding/oozing scabby bites.

The seasons of my life

2009-07-29T11:52:00.003-04:00

So last night on the way to my apartment from my parents house the song "Landslide" came on the radio. I sang along and realized as I sang that the song's sad lyrics weren't making me sad. Usually when I hear "Landslide" it inspires somber reflections on what the lyrics mean in the context of my life, bringing up questions I harbor with much more poetry than I could ever come up with.

But last night the lyrics that usually strike me the hardest were those I sang loudest and with the most gusto. "Time makes you bolder, children get older, and I'm getting older too" and "Can I sail through the changing ocean tides? Can I handle the seasons of my life?"

I don't know what specifically about last night or about the lyrics that I know so well combined to make the song somehow life-affirming, but they did.

I was sitting here at work without anything to do so I thought I'd see if facebook was allowed here. It is and so I started playing around on facebook and I remembered that I had yet to read the notes about Sara's custody battles surrounding her step-daughter.

I must say that I was expecting them to be heartwrenching, but they were even more than expected. The poor child is being kept against her will with an abusive and emotionally absent mother who kidnapped her and forces her to lie to all child welfare representatives. The mother herself has lied so convincingly in court and so warped the poor girl as to make her lie too and paint her father as the villian. Though I can't honestly say that my encounters with Sean have been warm, he is most likely incredibly shy, made up for by Sara's open and kind nature. They are both very loving people, and the pictures of the three of them on facebook make me really sad that the little girl has had to spend any time away from them and in the company of her mother, much less 3 months.

I usually have such a trust in and respect for the legal system in this country. Yes, I roll my eyes with the rest of the world at people suing because their coffee was too hot, but I fervently believe in the idea that right will out. This situation makes me so sorry and so worried about the little girl that I have met only once. I truly wish there were something I could do to fix it, but I know that there really is nothing, and commiserating with Sara will likely bring up more feelings of disgust or frustration rather than alleviating them.

In reading Sara's words about the frustrations and fears and true horrors that have happened to their little girl, I had to think about my own childhood. Yes, everyone knows that there are abused children, but I dont think it ever hits home until you have actually met one and can really see the affect. I kept thinking about her life when she grows up. Will she be able to move on? Will she become an advocate for children's rights? Will she carry the scars with her in her heart, never telling anyone? Will she get so beaten down by life that she becomes her mother? I really hope that she can somehow put the past to rest, understand that her mother was not/is not well and that nothing she did ever warrented such reactions.

The thing that struck me most was Sara's description of the outcome of the first hearing. "She slept against my side in the waiting room. When we heard the decision she started to cry and scream. She kicked and screamed at her mother and then she clung to me for dear life."

I don't really have a connection between "Landslide" and the child custody battles, but I guess my connection is that I hope that everyone involved quickly gets a peaceful resolution and that she can handle the seasons of her life.

UPDATE: Sara's facebook status is was updated only a short while ago and says: "Wagons East with Baby Girl in the back seat!!!" Phew...

Stomach Churning Terror

2009-07-28T10:33:00.002-04:00

I'm feeling nauseated and nervous and worried and theres really no need.

A few moments ago a guy at my new office came over and asked me what I was working on. With the horrible feeling of dread that I have come to recognize whenever I am in a workplace and am confronted by a superior, I replyed that I had'nt been given anything to work on yet, and I was just answering the phones for the time being.

He, with a conspiritorial air, leaned towards me and said, "Alisha said she gave you something to do and I need that space cleared out and I don't want to tell her how to do her job". Puzzled, I burbled something about not having heard anything about this, and truth be told, not knowing this Alisha. He smiled at me and said something about, "well she said she had given it to you but apparently not. Thanks for the scoop" and walked away.

Well, though I do not feel like he was at all angry at me, or really angry at all, I do somehow feel that this misunderstanding is my fault. I keep racking my brain to remember the unknown Alisha giving me a task, but the truth is that no one has approached me for anything this morning other than a red-haired gentleman asking me if I had a box cutter. This prompted a brief search which produced no box cutter. Other than that I have had no intercourse with anyone this morning.

Therefore, Alisha, whomsoever she may be, has told a fib it seems. But I still can't help feeling that I am somehow at fault, nor can I help the nausea that accompanies the feeling.

Working 9 to 5

2009-07-27T10:04:00.002-04:00

Welp, I'm back in the working world and we all know what that means... Blog posts! Let me real quick outline the job sitch for ya'll

I got a call last thursday from a lady at a placement agency, telling me that she had a one day job open for Friday and would I like to take it. Suuure, money is always good, though I do get crazy nervous walking in cold to anything. Got to the gig, just a receptionist, no big deal, answer phones, read book. done.

At about 2:30 I got a call from the placement agency lady saying that the position was open for a full time option and would I like to take it. Of course I said yes and thus began much paperwork and stress.

The thing is that I never really got any time to process it. By the time the idea had found its way into the pathways of my brain I was in the midst of many other things. So I basically freaked out. Yes, it may come as a shock to some, but I do have my moments of freak.

I got here today 30 minutes early, due to an overarching fear of tardiness, skipped breakfast, and have since answered 3 phone calls, one hang up and 2 wrong numbers.

On the one hand I'm sitting here wondering what i want to do next (do i want to keep putzing around on the internet, do i want to read my book...) and on the other hand I'm remembering when I was putzing around on the internet at my old job and feeling guilty and horrible about not doing something productive. I think i'll just enjoy the putzing as long as it will last. I mean it can only be so long begore they decide that I need to be someones bitch and do all the slave type work.

I suppose I should take my brothers advice and not take such things to heart. But I think therein lies the differences in our character. When I am scolded by an authority figure, I immediately agree that whatever has happened is my fault. When he is reprimanded he immediately believes that whatever has happened is no ones fault, or at any rate not his fault. He has a rock hard certainty and I have a waivering self image.

I suppose I should just put it all down to first day jitters and leave it at that. Keep telling myself that with time everything will flow easier and that everyone is new at some point. Theres a really corny middle-school type lyric that I find appropos here: "Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end"

24

2009-07-20T14:40:00.004-04:00

Yes its that time of year again folks! Time for you to buy me birthday presents! here is my list

As seen on TV clothes folder

Zebra print snuggie

Charm for my bracelet

Shelly Duvall Faerie Tale Theatre

Guitar hero for wii with two guitars

Diva Code book

Mary Poppins DVD

Raman Raving Rabbids Game for wii

Doug Season 1 DVD

“Far” Regina Spektor CD

Miss Piggy Cameo Necklace

The story of the tattoo

2009-07-03T11:07:00.000-04:00

So a lot of people have asked what the story is with the tattoo so I thought I’d write it all down here and redirect people.

Lets see, where to begin? Probably with a detailed account of my best friend, Emily. Emily and I met in college when she was untattooed, but still unconventional. She had waist-length blonde hair that was often dyed with splotches of green and red due to the many concerts she attended and was sprayed with fake vomit and blood. I frequently say that she gave me no choice in being her best friend. She would come up to me anytime she saw me and chat and slowly ingratiated herself into my life.

Most recently the hair has been cut and is back to plain blonde (as opposed to my favorite pink) and the tattoos have begun to appear. Most recent count is 14. Also her most recent idea is to move to Hawaii for reasons passing understanding. She is leaving on the 7th of July, so she insisted that we get matching best friend tattoos before she left.

I went to see her this for an overnight visit two days ago and I let her know that if she was really serious that I was ready for it. I believe my exact words were, “if anyones going to make me jump its going to be Emily.” She replied that she would like to see that on a tombstone.

So she called up her ex-boyfriend who is a tattoo artist and conned him into fitting us in yesterday and incidentally doing it all for free.

We got to the shop and I was a nervous wreck. I was shaking and queasy. Em made me get a strawberry smoothie from across the road to keep my blood sugar up and try to prevent me from fainting. It actually worked! It gave me something to do with my hands, and not to mention the cold smoothie was a nice contrast to my increasingly rising body temperature.

I had requested to go first, I knew if I saw Emily going through it and all of the needly things involved then I would back out and not be able to go through with it.

All in all the actual tattooing wasn’t all that bad. It was about equivalent to scratching your nail around in a heart shape two times. It did hurt, don’t get me wrong, but the anticipation far outweighed the actual pain, as it always does.

The tattoo is of a small heart (and I mean small, about the size of a dime) on my left foot. I have to keep it moisturized for the next few days and I am shocked that it no longer hurts. Actually the hurting stopped about a half hour after the actual tattoo and now it feels like a bruise. I can’t feel it unless I press on it.

So there you go. The story of the tattoo. I will attempt a picture, though honestly its hard to bend that way to get a decent picture, so if you want to see it, you’ll actually have to hang out with me. HAHAHA

Tutorial

2009-04-08T22:56:00.003-04:00

I cant remember if I've written about my friend Lauren and our special relationship. Even if I have, oh well, I'll write about it again. So deal.

Lauren was raised solely by her mother. Her father was absent through her childhood through no fault of his own. He was a police officer who was shot and killed in the line of duty a month before she was born. It is a sad story, though Lauren never really seems too distraught, probably because she never met the man and has only had stories. I guess its hard to miss someone you’ve never met.

Anyway, Lauren and her mom were alone in their home until Lauren was in high school when her mother remarried. But by the time you’re in high school, childhood is well and truly over. I have often commented to Lauren that she didn’t have much in the way of a childhood. The frolicking and general carefreeness and trouble making that marked my childhood and the childhoods of almost everyone I know were not a part of hers.

And so, part of our relationship has been a gentle nudging on my part towards things of folly. I have discovered that there were gaping holes in her popular culture education, and so I lightly took it on myself to introduce her to what I consider the classics. Here is a partial list of the movies I have shown her that she had never seen in 23 years of life.

-A lion in Winter
-The adventures of Robin Hood (the one with Errol Flynn)
-Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure
-Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey
-The Sting
-Kind Hearts and Coronets
-This is Spinal Tap
-Maverick
-White Christmas
-The Sound of Music
-A Room with a View
-Ghostbusters

Some of those may be considered a bit off-center, but c’mon White Christmas! The Sound of Music! Ghostbusters! Man, these are the movies of my youth. Many is a time that either my father, my mother, or myself will randomly quote either Bill or Ted and rest assured that the audience will absolutely follow the reference.

I’m not sure why I thought to share my education of Lauren, maybe its because I just got back from our weekly lesson (tonights screening: A Lion In Winter*). People keep recommending movies that I should show her, and unless I’ve shown it to her or it’s an animated Disney flick, chances are she hasn’t seen it. So feel free to offer movies to share with her, I do currently have a list, but am always looking for other favorites that she has never been exposed to.

*She was astonished at the wit and veracity of the dialogue of the film. Katherine Hepburn up against Peter O’Toole is truly a sight. Plus some of those lines are just written for those two. Par example:

Henry II: My God! I’m alive, king, and fifty all at once.

Eleanor: Of course he has a knife, he always has a knife, we all have knives! It's 1183 and we're barbarians!

Skint

2009-03-27T22:54:00.002-04:00

I know, I know, I know. I haven't written in forever. well, thats because precious little has been going on in my life. I know, everyone says that and no one believes it, but its really true. I've had a few job interviews, nothing has yet come of them. I've had car problems, though everyone has car problems and seem loathe to relive them by listening to my dumb story. I basically spend my time between my parents house where i watch tv, walk the dog, and eat my weight in cereal; and my apartment where i watch netflix movies, play nintendo, and eat my roommates food.

my going out has been severely limited since i no longer have a source of personal income. long gone are the days of going out to drink my paycheck, oh no. Now my nightlife is filled with dollar menu micky-ds and half price sangria nights. Though I will say that both are quite a bargain. $5 for two sizeable sangrias and then another $5 for a TON of food at mcdonalds. plus whatever you spent to get to the bar and you can really have a fun night with friends for less than $15! thats less than a dvd. although i dont think i can remember the last time i bought a dvd at full price...

oh, this is news i guess. I bought my Easter dress today! As long as I can remember (and my mother will undoubtably say that I am misremembering) I have had two special outfits a year. One for Christmas Eve, and one for Easter. Obviously this year the belt is a little tighter, but really, i've never been one to splurge on clothes. Since my body is often the wrong shape (is it bad that thats what i think, as opposed to THE CLOTHES are the wrong shape?) it really seems a waste to spend oodles of money on things that reinforce my fatness. Maybe thats what began the shoe crazyness. Theres a quote in a much maligned movie that I nevertheless enjoy called "In Her Shoes".

"When I feel bad I like to treat myself. Clothes never look any good... food just makes me fatter... shoes always fit."

and so they do. no new shoes to go with the Easter dress however. i have stemmed the tide (at least for the moment). I enjoy the shoes I have, and there have been none that i tried on that have been lurking in my mind. thats usually how it happens. if they're not an immediate purchase, love at first sight, then I walk away and think about them. If they come up in my mind later in the week for no reason, or if i start looking at outfits that would look great with them, then i have to go back and buy them. Some people say that you should wait twenty minutes before buying something you like. If at the end of twenty minutes you still like it, then buy it. But I say wait a week. if its meant to be, the universe will bring the shoes to you. either on sale or the last pair in the store is in your size, etc. Its weird, I believe in shoe fate, but not really in love fate... Maybe thats why I have luck with shoes and no luck in love. Whoa.... insight.

On that self discovering note, more will eventually come, stay tuned.

Shock me Shock me Shock me

2009-02-03T14:16:00.003-05:00

Christmas. A time of caring. A time of sharing. A time for making your grandmother cry with laughter.

Let me lay it out for you. So a few weeks before Christmas I was on the phone with my grandmother, talking about what she wanted for Christmas. The following is an exact* transcript of the conversation.

*exact here having the meaning of whatever i remembered and some stuff that i made up...

Ariel: So Grandma, what do you want for Christmas?
Gma: Oh I don’t need anything.
Ariel: Well, you’re getting something so what do you want?
Gma: oh….(hemm…haw…)
Ariel: you better say something or I’ll get you something weird.
Gma: ha ha. Well, you know, people always get me nice things… I want you to shock me.
Ariel:… seriously?
Gma: well no…
Ariel: no, you said it you can’t take it back now! Shock you huh?
Gma: Well I don’t want to fall over dead!
Ariel: I’ll try not to kill you. I wont make your heart stop… just a few little palpitations to check that all systems are go
Gma: oh my goodness…

And so on. Apparently she had meant to say that she wanted me to surprise her, but the fates aligned to have her misspeak. It was like a hug from Jesus. And of course I took that misspeak as carte blanche to be totally inappropriate. The best kind of Christmas present for me to get. Like Tiny Tim with a brand new crutch.

So my initial idea was to buy a zebra print lingerie set, but of course, I waited too long before deciding this and you cant just walk into a Victoria’s Secret and demand reasonably priced zebra print lingerie for an 82 year old. Believe me, I’ve tried.

To make a long story short (too late) I found hot pink glittery bra and matching see through thong. For $8. Because really, you don’t want to spend too much money on such a ridiculous endeavor.

The best I guess was that I had explained to the whole family what the backstory was, and they all cringed and asked “oh god, what did you do?” tee hee. And then when she opened it she was sitting right next to my 16 year old cousin Joey. He was so traumatized and she was so tickled. The juxtaposition of the two was really what Christmas means to me.

44

2009-01-20T12:19:00.000-05:00

It was a creed written into the founding documents that declared the destiny of a nation.

Yes we can.

It was whispered by slaves and abolitionists as they blazed a trail toward freedom.

Yes we can.

It was sung by immigrants as they struck out from distant shores and pioneers who pushed westward against an unforgiving wilderness.

Yes we can.

It was the call of workers who organized; women who reached for the ballots; a President who chose the moon as our new frontier; and a King who took us to the mountaintop and pointed the way to the Promised Land.

Yes we can to justice and equality.

Yes we can to opportunity and prosperity.

Yes we can heal this nation.

Yes we can repair this world.

Yes we can.

We know the battle ahead will be long, but always remember that no matter what obstacles stand in our way, nothing can stand in the way of the power of millions of voices calling for change.

We have been told we cannot do this by a chorus of cynics...they will only grow louder and more dissonant ........... We've been asked to pause for a reality check. We've been warned against offering the people of this nation false hope.

But in the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope.

Now the hopes of the little girl who goes to a crumbling school in Dillon are the same as the dreams of the boy who learns on the streets of LA; we will remember that there is something happening in America; that we are not as divided as our politics suggests; that we are one people; we are one nation; and together, we will begin the next great chapter in the American story with three words that will ring from coast to coast; from sea to shining sea --

Yes. We. Can.

easing back in

2009-01-13T12:19:00.002-05:00

I’m easing back into blog writing. I think its one of those things that if you don’t do it for long enough it starts to look like a daunting task and so you put it off, and hence more daunting it becomes until you’re just a puddle of goo. Well I refuse to be gooified so this blog post will be ramblings and observations to remind myself that blogs aren’t daunting. Later I’ll get to Christmas stories and new years stories and why I was worried that Anderson Cooper had commited suicide.

For the past few days I have had a tickling feeling across my right eyebrow and down to the bridge of my nose. I believe wholeheartedly that it is an errant hair, but myself and many many others have looked and brushed and picked and no hair can be found. It is most irritating.

I found out that one of my favorite contributors to one of my favorite sites (ShinyShiny) has taken a permanent leave of absence to focus on writing books full time and incidentally give birth to and raise her sons. Boo. BUT! In her farewell on the site she listed her personal blog! YAAY! And so I have been obsessed with it for a while. She is currently 7 days overdue and has decided the best way to fill the time is to watch netflix movies everyday and then to blog about them. Quite quite entertaining! I love her. Check her out here.

On Saturday I awoke to find no one in the house including no dog. I was perplexed. Turns out Xena took a misstep and sprained her shoulder. Ouch! Poor baby. She was putting no weight on it at all and was generally out of zing for about a day and a half. And then it was like it never happened. It went from ‘oh my poor shoulder it hurts so’ to ‘what? Im walking like normal. Lets play!’ how strange. But I guess it means shes better so who am I to question it?

After months of ignoring it in a pile last night I finally watched the netflix “Son of Rambow”. I highly recommend it. It is a really fun look at what boys get up to when they have the means and opportunity. Plus the boys are soooo cute when they’re accidentally putting their bodies at risk to make a cheesy action flick. And the little brittish accents don’t hurt either.

I cant think of much else. Maybe I’ll write soon about the all and sundry holidays and homicidal new years thoughts. Stay tuned.

"A Good Pair of Shoes Can Change Your Life" -Cinderella

2008-10-03T09:34:00.002-04:00

Across the cosmos the question has plagued men since the beginning of time. “What IS it with women and shoes?!”

Well, I am here to answer that question to the best of my ability. As a woman with more shoes than I care to number, I feel that I am well suited to bridging the gap, going across the aisle, shuffing off bipartisanism and getting down to the heart of the matter. (I watched the VP debates last night can you tell? Aside: good thing I decided against the “Maverick” drinking game because last count was in the 70s. And that’s alcohol poisoning waiting to happen. End of aside.)

In the western world, women are bombarded at an early age with the idea that shoes are important. Of course, shoes serve the purpose of protecting your feet, but for girls and women they run deeper.

Think about fairy tales. Cinderella’s whole life was changed with one pair of shoes. In fact, the tale of Cinderella can be broken down into footwear. At the beginning, she is a hard working, nose to the grindstone but still quirky gal. So she’s in ballet flats, natch. She slips on a pair of hard wearing clogs to go out into the garden, a sign that she needs to protect her softer shoes from the harsher outside world. Once the fairy godmother shows up, the glass slippers come into play. The slippers are a symbol of luxury, but they are also simply fabulous. They are probably the best pair of shoes to date. She can dance in them for a good chunk of the evening without pain, and then she can RUN in them! These shoes are really magical. They are also the only physical evidence of Cinderella’s night out, and therefore treasured, both by her and the prince. The shoes prove to the prince that she existed, and prove to Cinderella that there is life beyond her entrapment. When she returns to her home and her ballet flats it is clear that her mind is not on her work. She even keeps her remaining shoe in her pocket, to be produced at just the right moment and rescue her from her life of servitude into one of (we hope) love and fulfillment.

Dorothy of the Wizard of Oz is similarly affected by her shoes. Apart from the very large role her footwear plays in the story, these shoes are special because of their color. As one of the first films in color, the vibrant red of the ruby slippers is a clue to the fact that these are Important Shoes! The rest of Dorothy is almost mundane compared to her feet. We know that these shoes are important to the Wicked Witch, and in some ways, to Glinda. She forces Dorothy into them, and declares that they can’t be removed. Dorothy doesn’t look best pleased with this, but stands her ground against the Wicked Witch. The shoes are the catalyst for the entire journey to the wizard. The stated reason is to get home, but the secondary reason for Dorothy is to get out of the shoes she never asked for. And then at the end, it turns out the whole answer resided in the shoes.

And so women are told, over and over again, that shoes are important. They are art that you can wear. A good pair of Monolos can make your day. When Becki Adlington won two gold medals in Beijing this summer, she returned home to the UK and into the arms of a pair of custom gold Louboutins.

“But Ariel!” I hear you cry, “you’re only talking about heels, aren’t there many, many more shoes that are important?” Well, dear reader, you are correct.

Flip-flops are universally acknowledged to be the most comfortable shoes on the planet. Like the whisper of a rattlesnake, they announce your presence to the world. They are equally comfortable on a beach or in a fine art museum.

Clogs: I am currently wearing a pair of clogs. Softer than Cinderella’s wooden creations, but essentially the same. Clogs are the winter flip flops, a pair of shoes that can be thrown onto the foot with a pair of jeans or a dress, and are comfortable enough to be the go to shoe.

Boots: I will focus not on heeled boots, but to the unsung boots. Rain boots are no longer the providence of children, grown ass people now have fabulous rain boots. Myself included. Snow boots have gotten a bad rap because of the UGG phenomenon. But I defy anyone who believes the Uggs are UGGly, to try on a pair. And then try to defend your Ugg racism. They are amazing.

Sneakers: The right pair of sneakers can do wonders for your posture. If you are wearing cheaply made or ill fitting sneakers, you can do real damage to your spinal alignment. Seriously.

If anyone else can think of a shoe family that I have neglected, let me know and I will defend to the death your right to wear them. Unless you ask me to defend Crocs. This I cannot do.

So to all the men (and some women) who are puzzled by the shoe addiction affecting millions of women world-wide, to all those who declare proudly that they only have 3 pairs of shoes*, I hope that you have come to a greater understanding of the importance of footwear.

*and by the way, if a woman only had 3 pairs of shoes she would die. There are too many different outfits and events in a woman’s life to get away with only 3 pairs. Lets see, men would say, a pair of sneakers, a black fancy pair and a brown fancy pair. Am I right? Well, women as a rule don’t wear as much khaki, so the brown pair are a bit unnecessary. Otherwise, one pair of black shoes? Are they heels? Are they flats? If they are heels, what does she wear to run to the grocery store after work? If they are flats what does she wear to parties or to bars? Does this also imply that all of her clothes are black? Are we talking a goth chick? Because black shoes would not match say, a blue dress, unless there were other black elements. Or a red dress. You must be very careful to avoid the clown look. Men can wear one black suit everywhere. Women can’t.

So hopefully we have all come to a better understanding of each other. Let us put aside partisan shoe bickering and embrace the new world. Where even hard core rock and roll gods have shoe lines. And then we’ll sing Kumbaya and eat cookies. K?

Don't Vote

2008-10-02T14:25:00.001-04:00

My Meem

2008-09-25T09:24:00.008-04:00

ANND CLOSED! answers are in bold.

So since everyone else seems to have done a meem, I thought it’d be fun to do one too. I have obviously cut out the spoken word tracks, and the instrumentals. I also did not include those tracks that have the title in the first line. Otherwise this is totally legit and the order that songs came up on my shuffle. For those that are a little more obscure, I added a few more words, to help out. So, we’ll see how many people read my blog based on how many people respond with answers.

What is a Meem? See below.

Step 1: Put your iPod player on random.
Step 2: Post the first line from the first 30 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing the song.
Step 3: Let everyone guess what song and artist the lines come from.
Step 4: Bold the songs when someone guesses correctly. (Looking them up on Google or any other search engine is CHEATING!)

I won’t leave you out of my will, but I will leave you out of my mind. (You Are my Joy, Reindeer Selection)
Haul out the holly, put up the tree before my spirit falls again.
Pop, six, squish, uh-uh, Cicero, Lipschitz.
Sha-la-la-la-la-la-yeah, I was down at the New Amsterdam, Staring at this Yellow Haired Girl
Oh the Shark has pretty teeth dear, and he shows them pearly white
I, I wish you could swim, like the dolphins, like dolphins can swim
I hear the clock, its 6 am, I feel so far from where I’ve been. (You were Meant for Me, Jewel)
Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me, I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed
I need a sign, to let me know you’re here, all of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere
Heading up to San Francisco, for the Labor Day weekend show
I don’t mind confiding that I make stupid mistakes, been mislead and misguided, and I’m easily led astray (Stumbling In, Great Big Sea)
I love you from the heart of my bottom, I love you from the bottom of my sole (adolescent song of mindless devotion, the Lucksmiths)
Please allow me to introduce myself, I’m a man of wealth and taste
Love can be a many splendored thing, can’t deny the joy it brings (The Trouble with Love, Kelly Clarkson)
I’ve heard it said, that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn (For Good, Wicked)
Was it the pull of the moon now baby, that led you to my door? (If I Fall, the Dixie Chicks)
Gotta change my answering machine, now that I’m alone, because right now it says that we can’t come to the phone (So sick of Love Songs, Neo)
Nassau’s gone funky, Nassau’s gone Soul
Did you see the sky? I think it means that we’ve been lost (Follow you Down, the Gin Blossoms)
There is a tale that the Island people tell, don’t know if it is true, but I love it so well
When you see a deer you see bambi, and I see antlers up on the wall (I'm Still a Guy, Brad Paisley)
When I was a little-bitty boy, just up off the floor, we used to go out to Grandma’s house, every month end or so
I’d rather have a bottle in front of me, I’d rather watch 10 hours of TV (Food, Sex, and Ewe, NOFX)
Wish I had what I needed, to be on my own, cuz I feel so defeated, and I’m feeling alone (Let That be Enough, Switchfoot)
Dig. The chills that you spill up my back keep me filled with satisfaction (Groove is in the Heart, Deelite)
I see trees of green, red roses too
I’ve given you everything, all that joy can bring, this I swear
There you see her, sitting there across the way, she don’t got a lot to say, but there’s something about her.
I never love nobody fully, always one foot on the ground (Fidelity, Regina Spektor)
Where have all the good men gone? And where are all the gods? (I Need a Hero, Jennifer Saunders)

Good luck guessing!

Don't Forget Your Movement Clothes

2008-09-24T13:35:00.004-04:00

yeah, new apartment. with a roommate. I havent updated my blog because theres just so much and then i get overwhelmed and cant break it down into blog sized nuggets. but here are some highlights.

-moving day was to be the day of tropical storm Hannah. See dad's blog for those details. Moving day got pushed up a day. so nice and relaxing.

-new place is... OK. building not as clean as i would like, but I dont have to live in the hallway, so i'm trying not to worry about that part.

-saw my first ever honest to god live cockroach. hopefully my last (but i doubt it)

-got cabinets sprayed for bugs AFTER stuff was already put away, so entire kitchen worth of stuff moved to living/dining room. Dining room table covered with mugs and dishes and the like. Couch similarly covered.

-about 6 boxes left to unpack. But after work i never feel like it. so they are still there. in the middle of my bedroom floor. I work around them.

-in the process of delegating boxes and bags for recycling. No recycling system at the complex, but parents generously allow some to be brought home and adopted into their recycling piles.

-Cable and internet both finally hooked up. big muddle with that. they were supposed to install both with no charge. first guy came to install cable, said internet wasnt on his sheet, so i'd have to call again and get another guy to come do internet. Called. Internet guy couldnt come for 3 more weeks. and was charged internet installation fee. Dad says sardonically that they really saw me coming. I didnt really want to make a fuss, but will make a big fuss if I am charged separate monthly rates as opposed to the combined lower rate i was promised initially. So now have both cable and internet.

-having misgivings about the change on such a massive scale, but my anxiety seems to have calmed down to the point where i can fathom staying for a weekend. have been slinking away to my parents for the weekends, like the cowardess that i am. will probably have to wean myself slowly, going for smaller and smaller pieces of the weekend.

theres probably (certainly) a lot more that i've left out, but i think that gives you a pretty good snapshot of how things went/are going. basically i was a big ball of stress and i am only now coming down off of it. But with time, im sure it'll all be fine.

Day Labor

2008-09-03T11:51:00.001-04:00

For some, Labor Day is a fun three day weekend full of merriment and joviality. Not so for me, at least not this year. Since I am moving in 4 days, there was (and still is) a lot to do. First on the list was to go through all the crap that I have yet to unpack from school. Half of that was either thrown away or put in the box to be donated. Then on to my bedroom in which I have been hording stuff for 15 years. There were 3 trash bags filled before we gave up, and there are still pockets of resistance spilling from my closet and bookshelves.

Then I had to make sure that I could get to my office from my new apartment, and of course, back from my office. My TomTom had me quite worried and vexed at the same time, as it has developed a habit of not knowing where I am and attempting to direct me from a totally different road. About 20 minutes of fiddling with it and making sure it knew that I did NOT want it to figure out the route, I wanted it to direct me along a route of my choosing. Through the city, not too bad on labor day at 1pm. We’ll see what happens during rush hour on a daily basis. Plus, the nerve wracking lanes that take you into Anacostia with very little warning.

Trying to find people to help me move has also been quite stressful. I think I’ve cobbled together enough people to work in shifts to make the day somewhat bearable, but god only knows how stressed I’ll be on the day. My stomach has not been my friend, as its response to stress of any kind is to tangle into a knot and call attention to itself at most inopportune moments.

Anyone who can offer any helpful advice* please do so. Otherwise, stay out of my way until my life comes back down to a simmer.

*and I mean actually helpful. Not things I ‘should’ be doing that I am clearly an idiot for not thinking of. That is the sort of help that I could definitely do without.

Psyched Out

2008-08-27T12:43:00.003-04:00

So my dear friend Mika is leaving me again to go back to Japan where she teaches English. She came home to the states for about a month to visit and reconnect, which ends tomorrow morning at 11. So last night she and I hung out one last time before she returns to the motherland. And, like the well educated and world savvy women that we are, we watched Psycho until 12:30 in the morning. And then took out the garbage from the dark and unlit back yard.

Warning! Spoilers ahead!

First off, I have never seen Psycho, though I think everyone has seen that shower scene, if only in lists of ‘best movie scenes of all time’ or other such nonsense. We chatted through most of the beginning and backstory when we learn about Marion and her motives for stealing $40,000. When she started to flee however, we moved into the mocking of Marion, specifically the fact that she doesn’t blink. Like ever! Seriously, watch Psycho again and watch her eyes. Not only does she not blink like ever, but she keeps her eyes so wide open that you can see white space all around the iris. Mika speculated that maybe keeping your eyes that wide open helps to not blink. As a matter of fact it makes it harder to resist blinking, as Mika and I continually proved in our own highly scientific experiments on the couch. It really was disconcerting, as on the one hand, your eyes water on Marion’s behalf. But on the other hand, you want to try to out not-blink her. Plus she was so obvious to that cop. She was a bad fugitive, and we both agreed that she deserved to be stabbed to death in the shower.

Next up for discussion was Norman. He was actually really endearing. So nerdy and almost cute. In fact I compared him to our friend Dan, both of whom have a loping grace about them when they move, but seem to start and stop movements really abruptly. Dan has a habit of springing from his seat and pelting out of the room for no apparent reason and with no explanation. I think Norman would do the same.

Mostly I enjoyed it. I knew the plot, but there were still surprises. Like the butt bump that Norman adds to the ensemble when dressing like Mother. That was highly entertaining. And the appalling acting by the Private Eye and the Psychiatrist. And the not so subtle sexism when Marion tries to buy a car. Real quote during the car trade in scene from Mika: Since you’re a woman I’ll totally rip you off, but I am also afraid of you and your magical vagina which produces $700 cash when you go to the bathroom.

After the SUPER CREEPY ending, Mika needed to take out the trash, and asked almost timidly if I would come with her. I asked if she was scared and she said yes, though I don’t think she really was. I do know that I kept looking over my shoulder, and was glad that Mika’s dog Ricky had accompanied us outside and would most certainly at least bark were I stabbed to death in the driveway. Surprisingly, though Mika had seen Psycho several times, she has not seen Rear Window which is my favorite Hitchcock. Not as overtly creepy/scary as Psycho, it does do the suspense thing really well. I recommend it. But I do not recommend watching Psycho until 12:30 in the morning. That was dumb.

Things that make me happy #7855

2008-08-13T09:32:00.003-04:00

Jezebel.com

Seriously you guys this website is awesome! My good friend Mika turned me on to it because of the Fine Lines articles that run every Friday. Fine Lines author Lizzie Skurnick takes books from her childhood and rereads them as an adult. Then posts her article about how she felt about the book then and now. Since I am all about rereading old favorites until the covers literally fall off (seriously, I have to find the book part of the Phantom Tollbooth, the cover has been in the living room for like, months), I am totally in love with it. Though the author Ms. Skurnick is a bit older than me, so some of her book choices are not what I have read, it is certainly interesting to look at these books from a new perspective. I especially liked the one she did about Little House in the Big Woods, which was like my arm when I was a kid. I’m certain I had it memorized at one point. In fact, one scene stands out in my memory in particular, and Skurnick mentions it in the piece!

Another thing that Jezebel does really well is speak intelligently about real women’s issues. Yes there are fun pictures of celebrities looking stupid, which is fun for all ages, but there are also articles about real life. And real women. And the things real women face in real life. Every time I go to Jez, I know I’m going to be spending some quality time on the site.

Some of today’s lead articles:

Dress Your Family in Whimsy and Symbolism (an obvious homage (or dig?) at David Sedaris’s classic, “Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim”)

Looking for Love? Don’t Change Your Hair, Weight, or Cup Size — Change Your Country (one woman's journey for actual fulfillment through love, not sex)

Selling Women’s Clothes to Women (an awesome piece comparing Victoria's Secret to a less well known brand Athleta)

Some others that I don’t feel like tracking down but were awesome nevertheless were about women as suicide bombers, the new vampire book series that is so unbelievably Christian Right that the story about VAMPIRES is swallowed whole, and the Shenis. Yes that is what it sounds like.

Spend some time poking around this site, and if you don’t like it I’ll give you a million dollars. Or a swift kick.

Birthday Extravaganza!

2008-08-11T11:23:00.004-04:00

So, for those of you keeping score at home, I turned 23 on Saturday!

Of course, the festivities began a week previously with my weird aunt kay coming into town. She wasn’t coming specifically to see me, though I pretended that she was. She and I had a nice little day of running around in my car and being directed by the lady who lives in my GPS. Most notably we went to Trousseau where awesome aunt kay bought me TWO bras! Yes! I was super excited by that! Two bras that fit! Awesome!

Next on the birthday agenda was planning the day. I had decided a while ago that I wanted to “do the Time Warp again” so to speak, and relive my days as a Rocky Horror maven. I always sing the part of Magenta. Unfortch, Mika (who played Eddie) was to be in Austin Texas for the day of my birthday and Denise (playing RiffRaff) has decided to pull a unibomber and not answer the phone. So I got others involved. I think specifically Tiffany enjoyed herself. She was laughing quite heartily! But, I must back up. Previously to the Late Night early morning, Double Feature rocky horror Picture Show, I went to dinner with the girls and Airman.

The dinner became a bit disastrous, though thankfully not for me. When getting our waters, the whole tray crashed to the floor, soaking Aaron and pretty thoroughly dousing Mileva. She got really annoyed and mad, not aided by the fact that we were pretty much left to clean it up ourselves. She calmed down a little by the time we got our food, where we hit another snag. Carrie, despite having ordered the same thing as Lauren, did not get her burger. 20 minutes later said burger was still absent. We had all finished eating and her food was nowhere to be found. The hostess came over and explained that the chef had accidentally overcooked her burger and they had to make a new one. She did eventually get her burger, and was comp’d for it.

While we were all sitting and talking my brother came in and totally surprised me. I had not expected him at all, since he had spent most of the day at a driving class for getting a (nother) speeding ticket. He came in and so quickly handed me a balloon and a rose that I at first thought that this person was a waiter. Until Carrie said “oh, hey!” and then I caught on. He gave me my present (Garfield and Friends DVDs!!! YAAY!!!) and ate my leftover chicken and broccoli. And he was off again. Still, I really liked the surprise!

Backing up further in the day, (wow, I’m really doing this out of order…) my parents and I went on a mini adventure to Glen Echo Park. Mr. T was added to my GPS a while ago apparently, and so for a birthday treat Mr. T lead us to the park! It was awesome! “Fool! Turn Lef!” My mom and I rode the carrousel, dad too pictures and waxed rhapsodic about the architecture and sang the jingle for the park from when he was a kid. It really was a glorious day, really odd for my birthday which is usually HOTASBALLS! So we walked around and looked at pottery in Yurts and had a grand old time.

Then we went to a lovely lunch of French cuisine on a rooftop terrace in the glorious weather and I think I got a little tan! I had escargot, one of my favorite things, and totally grossed out my dad, another of my favorite things! The food was amazing! Super fun times!

Forward to Sunday night (This really is appallingly out of order. For a chronological timeline of events see me after class). The whole family with the additions of Allison and Kari, went to see BB King at Wolftrap. The reviews of his recent performances have said that he is more about the talking now and less with the playing. Thats OK with me. I like hearing him talk, he makes me feel pretty. He always makes me feel pretty because half his concert is him talking about "ladies" and how beautiful we all are and how fellas should thank god every day for ladies, and all that. He even sang "you are my sunshine" dedicated to all Ladies. He didnt play for very long, as he is 82 and really should be in bed by 11. So since I had taken 2 naps that day and really didnt feel like sleeping MORE, I stayed up to watch the American men's swim relay wherein we killed the French and totally won! Especially gratifying since the Frenchies had been talking smack earlier. Plus Michael Phelps is a hottie.

See You At the Debates Bitches!

2008-08-06T12:38:00.004-04:00

Ok, so my love for Obama has been a slow but steady climb. In his race against Hillary for the nomination I was divided until Will.I.Am's video. Which was awesome. Then came the race for the white house against McCain. Now, I don't have much against McCain. He was a POW and I really respect that. And maybe in a different time against a different opponent, he would convince me that he was the right person to lead this country.

However. He (or at least his campaign) has run attack ads while claiming that they are all about clean campaigning. He endorses off shore drilling, and really doesn't know whats going on in the world as evidenced by his face when asked about health insurance covering Viagra but not birth control.

And so we've come to it. The Obama campaign has really done a great job in not responding to the attack ads, but letting America do it for them.

First we have: WomenForJohnMcCain.com
You guys, this site is totally scathing. They are really pissed, and the best part is the side bar ads who obviously don't know that the site is totally killing McCain and put up "invest in victory" bannner ads. LOL

Second we have:

See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die

watch and enjoy!

"Twenty-five years ago, half of all eighteen to twenty-four year olds voted; today it's 25 percent. Eighteen to twenty-four year olds represent 33 percent of the population, but only account for 7 percent of the voters. Think government isn't about you? How many of you have student loans to pay? How many of you have credit card debt? How many want clean air and clean water and civil liberties? How many want jobs? How many want kids? How many want their kids to go to good schools and walk on safe streets? Decisions are made by those who show up. You've gotta rock the vote." -C.J. Cregg (Allison Janey) West Wing

BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!!!!

2008-07-17T12:39:00.005-04:00

Playbill.com is reporting that the wildly successful Musical Wicked will shortly be hitting the big screen! This is awesome news! This could either rule the world or suck horribly... I'm hoping for rule the world. Though I never read the book, I totally enjoyed the musical and have several of the soundtrack songs on my iPod.

Though the article says that no casting decisions have been made yet, everyone keep their fingers crossed that they can cast Idina Menzel* and Kristin Chenowith to reprise their roles as Elphaba and Glinda. I love both those ladies, and though Kristin may have her hands full with Pushing Dasies, she really is the best for the role. I love her.

If only they would make an Avenue Q movie, I could die a happy woman.

* I just had a brilliant Idea! What if Taye Diggs (Idina Menzel's real life and super cute husband) played Fiyero, Elphaba's sweetheart in the story???!!! OMG I WOULD DIE!

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas?

2008-07-16T14:57:00.002-04:00

I have been scarily on the ball recently, and I don't know why.

I mean, don't misunderstand. I have never been they type of person who waits until the week before a holiday or birthday to buy presents. My favorite part of Christmas is watching other people open the presents I have specially picked out for them, getting things myself is only secondary. I like to spend time thinking about what the person will really enjoy, even if it's only for a quick laugh. Like this present I got my cousin last Christmas. The funniest part is that he is actually named Matt. Tee Hee. I'm still really proud of that find.

And so, in the past month, I have found 3 Christmas presents. It's July people! What is up with me? part of me is excited by getting a jump on things, but another part is saying, "No! Stop! If you buy all the presents now then you wont have any left to buy in December and won't that be sad for you!?" yes it would be sad. But I'm still excited by what I uncovered for Christmas presents!

UPDATE UPDATE OMG UPDATE: OHMIGOD you guys! when i did a google search to find the christmas photo, a pic of THIS came up under "top ten christmas presents"!!! I can't think who would be worthy of such a gift though...

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!

2008-07-11T08:29:00.003-04:00

UM, I FREAKING LOVE TARGET! sorry. but i really do. It always makes me sad when i go to the one near my office because i never have time to like, be in target. that sounds a lot more zen than it probably should. especially since when people think of spots to "be" in, they usually dont gravitate to retail giants. I just can't help it. So many reasonably priced items that are calling out to me! "Buy me! Caress me! Check my Nutritional Values!"

Maybe the obsession with target began because that was where my best friend and I had our first real best friend moments together. We went right around Christmas time, and she had me laughing so hard I almost peed the whole time! Everytime we go to Target there is a new experience. Last time I forced her to go with me. "We will go to Target and have fun DAMMIT!" and she ended up buying a ton of crap and I nothing. muahahahah "What, we're gonna find an Octopus Dish scrubber?! yeah right!... Oh, Cool. I want that Octopus Dish Scrubber!"-Emily

Also, I was there a few days ago to buy Allison's birthday present and the "one spot" has tons of disney princess crap that i want and also a lot of zebra stuff! most of the zebra stuff is marketed towards like, babies, but who cares?! I need a zebra print bowl too! babies can suck it. I can probably live without the zebra burp cloth though... I tend not to spit up in company... anymore.

Another thing! Apparently Target is both Philanthropic, and super cool. They give 5% of daily profits to local charities, AND they want to give me money! That is correct, they are trying to give me $5,000! Well, I say trying... they have a monthly contest thingy and I filled out a survey to get my name entered to win $5,000!!!! WHEEE! I can only imagine what I would buy with a $5,000 gift card to Target. Oh man. I'm salivating just thinking about it. I could very well spend it all in one go... But I'd need a Uhaul, because that's a lot of Target Love...

LOVE!

Oh My God, You Guys!

2008-07-10T11:09:00.003-04:00

ok, I totally forgot about this when I was making my birthday list, but I totally want it anyway!

TomTom GPS offers fun and funny voices to be navigated by and they offer Mr. T!

I already have a TomTom, and I dont know how one would go about buying/installing remotely, but its a must have! for real.

I pity the Fool who don't turn left!

A Very Merry Unbirthday to Me!

2008-07-09T08:47:00.002-04:00

OK, so! My birthday is in one month. One month people! I tend to get overexcited about my birthday, but really, I think everyone should! Who cares about the number? This is a day that is entirely yours! A day to be showered with presents and cake (or pie) and be totally worshipped! YAAAY!

and here is what I want:

bags to riches gift certificate

garfield and friends

west wing season 2

samsung alias phone with zebra cover

kathy griffin CD

St trinians movie (currently only available in UK disc format)

The Play's The Thing Board Game

Flight of the Conchords DVD or merchandise

gift certificate to Trousseau (mama needs a new bra!)

Ab Fab dvds

psych pineapple stress toy

Wyrd Sisters and Soul Music DVDs (It sort of annoys me I didnt find this sooner because otherwise I wouldnt have had to pay twice as much for 1/2 the amount of DVDs for Father's Day)

Pride or Prejudice?

2008-07-07T09:57:00.001-04:00

Like many overly educated women, I reread Pride and Prejudice once or twice a year. Sometimes it’s only to fulfill a Darcy jones, but sometimes I sit and read the whole thing. The building tension is so delicious; I can’t stand it sometimes and flip to the end to remind myself that everything works out. I have even been known to snatch it off the shelf of the school library to read the last 3 chapters during study breaks. Chapter 59: The proposal, so awkward, yet so romantic. Chapter 60: The teasing engagement period. Chapter 61: look into the future and get only a taste of what we all really want, how the Darcy’s lived happily ever after.

I’ve never really gotten why Elizabeth turns him down the first time. Oh, I know superficially that she really despises him, but I’ve never really empathized with her. There has never been a time in my memory when I was not head over heels in love with Mr. Darcy. So her dismissal of him is really only a small stumbling block. However, after yesterday I really understand her dislike and disgust at his first proposal.

There is a guy who goes to my church. He’s been in the background for a few years now, and I’ve never liked him much. In fact, once he started to speak to me, I began to truly dislike him. He is arrogant, obnoxious, and a very poor dresser. Yech. I never really say anything around him unless it’s specifically calculated to annoy him. Unfortunately for my plan, it turns out he is intrigued by me. How unpleasant.

I was talking to another friend when he happened to be in the room. I was telling an anecdote about my friend in Namibia and how I warned her not to have sex with monkeys, so as not to get AIDS. Hardly church appropriate, and therefore something I was sure would bother him. Not so. Apparently he leaned over and asked my mother what I had said because he didn’t want to miss anything; and that he always paid particular attention to my little asides, as they were the most entertaining.

There really is nothing nearly so annoying as finding out that someone you dislike actually likes you. When I thought my little plan to annoy him was working, I had the prerogative to dislike him to my hearts content, because he disliked me. It is really very annoying to know that I intrigue him. It puts a damper on my dislike.

BUT! I will not, under any circumstances, draw any further connections to Pride and Prejudice. While Elizabeth’s dislike of Darcy is really only the beginning of one of the greatest love stories of all time, this little turd of a situation will not. In fact, I can’t even think about it without my face involuntarily contorting to look like someone shoved something gross into my face. Just writing this blog entry it has happened more times than I can count. So I’ll stop thinking about it because I for sure don’t want this horrible little man to cause wrinkles!

Death!

2008-07-03T13:50:00.003-04:00

Ohmigod, you guys!

I just talked to Death!

OK, calm down, focus on the subject. Everyone who works in my office who has been here less than a year has to "pay their dues" by covering the front desk while the receptionist takes her 2 breaks and 1 lunch. I have done it once or twice a month for the past 10 months. Cool.

Today I got a call from a man I swear was Death himself! If someone were transcribing my life (which I fancy they do, to be later turned into a blockbuster movie, or at least a made for TV drama) then this guy would most def be speaking in lower caps. Not shouting, but not speaking as the rest of the world defines it.

First of all, his voice was so low that it was on the edge of the aural register. I seriously had to strain to hear him. Also, he spoke in a raspy, halting voice. Like someone who isn't really used to speaking out loud. More like he was used to speaking telepathically to the recently deceased.

Maybe if he was in a good mood and he had laughed I would have come away with a picture of Santa Claus. Instead he was irritated and I was left with a mental picture of a cowl and scythe.

UnComfort

2008-07-02T08:50:00.002-04:00

Last night was one of those truly odd nights for me. Maybe the cheese stands alone and no one else has this problem, but once in a while, I get too comfortable. So comfortable that I get uncomfortable. The pillows and blankets become fluffy cages, and must be kicked, punched, pummeled into submission. I could not for the life of me get comfortable enough to sleep. Or rather, I couldn’t get uncomfortable enough to sleep. So I let my body try to find such a position.

Position 1: The handstand. My bed is against the wall on one side so, legs straight up the wall at a 90 degree angle, head and shoulders over the edge of the bed, hands flat on floor. Comfy for a while, but then the blood started to rush to my head.

Position 2: The twist. With the cat (of course the cat was on the bed through this whole thing. Adding another layer of discomfort, try not to disturb the cat) nestled at your bottom, twist your torso out to hanging over the bed, leaving your back at a 45 degree angle to your legs. Cat moved.

Position 3: The splits. One leg extended against the wall with your head in “normal” position. On the pillow at the head of the bed. Knee should almost touch nose. Other leg curled behind you with toes hanging onto the edge of the bed. This one was actually the winner, though I did have to amend it a little once I stopped moving about quite so much and cooled off enough to need a blanket.

This morning, unsurprisingly, my back and legs are sore.

How Cool is Kristin Shaal?

2008-06-30T12:07:00.002-04:00

First, she gets to hang out with the Flight of the Conchords all the time, and now this!

Man, I wish I was her friend.

I <3 Wall-E

2008-06-30T08:30:00.004-04:00

In general I'll take any excuse to go see a kid's movie. Aside from the fact that I'm currently at the stage in my life where I find six year-olds to be annoying, content created for them often seems to be extremely entertaining. Proving, once again, that since I'm a grown-up now...it's my turn to decide what that means.

Of course I was chomping at the bit to see it, basically anything from Pixar (except that disaster "Cars" yech) is guaranteed to be awesome. Wall-E is the little robot that everyone wants for their very own. He has personality, an almost painfully cute curiosity about his environment, and a tendency to be friendly to anyone and anything he comes across. The result, aside from a wonderful and humorous love story in which the robots seem considerably more human than humans, contains some interesting ideas about the environment and technology. Wall-E is truly green! He charges via solar panels in what seems like nothing flat. One of the more amusing scenes was Wall-E in the morning, his solar charge is winding down and the alarm goes off, acting as an alarm clock, and Wall-E sleepily gets himself ready for the day. SO CUTE!

I'll try not to give anything away, seeing as many people have yet to see it (it's having been released only Friday). Like many other Pixar films, the themes are not restricted to children. Wall-E deals with falling in love, loneliness, the basic need to do good, helping others, curiosity, and, of course, the future. Some have said that the film is essentially very dark or hopeless. And if you look for that message, Wall-E certainly provides that. But I think that, at its core, it is a story about hope. No one can deny that we're screwing things up. But, Wall-E, though he has not been a party to the destruction, does all he can to help in the reconstruction. And through it all manages to make us laugh at his discoveries and childlike sense of wonder. I will definitely be seeing this one again, and I encourage everyone else to as well. But bring a kleenex. If you have a heart at all, this one will touch it.

Shop Victoriously!

2008-06-25T08:56:00.003-04:00

Backstory: My brother plays the drums in his school’s marching band. He’s very good, as is the band in general. A few months ago it was announced that the band had been invited to play in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. In New York, on Thanksgiving (duh). So my mother, after hemming and hawing, decided to book us rooms at the Algonquin hotel. The choice delights me because the Algonquin has a huge literary history, which I love, and super swanky digs! The choice delights my mother because it is right on the parade route meaning we wont have to navigate New York on Thanksgiving day in the wee hours of the morning. All we have to do is fall out of bed, wrap up warm, and walk downstairs.

Frontstory: As I was thinking about all this I thought, hey, its going to be New York on Thanksgiving… that means it’ll probably be pretty cold. Maybe I should get me a nice pair of snow boots. And if you’re going to look for snow boots, really only one brand springs to mind. Uggs. I looked around for a cheap pair, in the process finding a site that sells cheap and real Dior, Chanel, Prada, et cetera! And cheap Uggs. However that site didn’t have them in my size, they only went up to a 9, but I need a 10.

On to… ebay! Yes, that darling little site where so much is on sale for so cheap. I bided my time well though. Too many times have I been outbid at the last second, so this time I only watched… never bidding. Until 2 minutes from the end of the auction. I was in a mini bidding war, but at 32 seconds the other person dropped out and the beautiful boots were MINE!!!! I WON!!!

And they’re so pretty. I can’t wait for them to get here even though it is currently 90 degrees outside. And if, once they get here, my mom likes them, I’ll buy her a pair of the smaller ones so her feet can be comfy and warm too. VICTORY!

Kids These Days

2008-06-23T13:22:00.006-04:00

Via Bust

Back when I was a 'yoot' bright colors were in. As were, underage drinking, the brand new world of drugs, gangsters, prohibition, wait... did I slip from the early 90s into the early 30s?

Yup. There is a new underground movement afoot. It apparently started in London and has since hopped the pond and has taken roots in New Amsterdam. Yes indeed.

Last weekend, a much more refined crowd made their way to Governor's Island for a "Lawn Party" (Lawnapalooza?) where they, assumedly, sipped prohibition-era cocktails, sported flapper-dresses, admired the latest in model-Ts, and, generally, enjoyed themselves.

I, for one, am all for this new craze. Flapper dresses, cute vintage shoes, sidecars, big old skool megaphones?! come on, this is awesome. We all knew that a few years ago the big band style was really in, but now it looks like we've moved into the 20s, screw the 40s and 50s. I am totally behind this, and not only because its totally out of the Gilmore Girls episode of the Life and Death Brigade shenanigans and Logan is hot, oh no. Its because I love me some nostalgia. Especially nostalgia for times so long gone that no one really remembers them and the only things left are stereotypes and happy things. Forget about the real dangers from prohibition, forget about the racism, sexism, and every other -ism. Lets just do the charleston and wear cool suits.

And all that Jazz.

Miscellany

2008-06-23T09:14:00.002-04:00

Ok, so since few thing have happened of great import, but many small things have happened, these will be little McNuggets of blog.

On Thursday I got an email from a friend letting me know that Kathy Griffin will be coming to the DAR Constitution Hall in September and that tickets for the Friday night show would be going on sale the next morning at 10 am. SO! How could I pass that up? I was packing books up to ship to the Library of Congress at 9:58, and scurried back to my cube to get on ticketmaster. I bought 2 orchestra seat tickets at 10:05 and was totally happy with that! Still am, though now a bit perturbed at ticketmaster for all of the stupid fees and nonsense that they tagged onto the price. Whatever, Orchestra seats, row S. I’m happy.

One of the boys that I grew up with just became an eye doctor. He claims I have to call him Dr. Perry. I said he would always just be booger-breath to me.

After sitting around in my living room for a month, the letter I wrote to Kittle was finally sent on Saturday. What really lit the fire under my butt to do so was that I got 2 from her and my May letter was still sitting there. Yikes! So I sent that Saturday and wrote another one on Sunday, so she’ll get two in close succession. Which should make her happy.

Mika is coming home! For a visit! Happy!

There are a ton of movies that I want to see this summer. Good thing Tiff isn’t leaving until the end of the summer because we have some serious movie watching / drinking to do. Short list of movies that I want to see:

Wanted
Wall-E
Hellboy 2
(maybe) Kung Fu Panda
Mama Mia
Hancock
The Mummy 3
Hamlet 2
Son of Rambow
Igor

As you can see I will be spending plenty of my hard earned money at the box office this summer. Though hopefully less than others as I usually buy a senior citizen ticket. I just have to make sure that I don’t get in the assistant manager’s ticket taking line. Stupid little pimply brat!

The Stars Are Stacked Against You, Girl. Get Back In Bed.

2008-06-13T10:31:00.000-04:00

There really are some days when Mary Chapin Carpenter’s fictional horoscope should be heeded.

Today actually started well enough. A lovely dream, awakened quite peacefully by a combination of cat and alarm clock radio. Even time for a little breakfast. Then I got to work and really wished I’d stayed in bed.

I totally screwed up. I know it. I admit it. It was totally my fault. And that sucks, because I fancy myself Wonder Woman and I hate screwing up. I really do.

Plus I’m either getting a cold or having massive allergy attacks for no reason. Either way, I’m sneezing like a … actually I don’t have a simile. I’m sneezing a lot. There.

It doesn’t sound too bad when you put it down on paper (or screen), but I feel like crawling under my covers and returning to my lovely dream. There was a beach in Australia and a beautiful young man. Nuff said.

History boys

2008-06-12T09:56:00.002-04:00

The best moments in reading are when you come across something - a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things - that you'd thought special, particular to you. And here it is, set down by someone else, a person you've never met, maybe even someone long dead. And it's as if a hand has come out, and taken yours.

That is a quote from the most awesome History Boys. I have used it before because it really is a great line, one that really is true to all things, reading, but also just thoughts. Finding out that you are not alone in how you feel about your life is really affirming. So I present, from the musical Avenue Q, this song. I was shocked at lyrics and how they were everything that I have been feeling over the past year. Honestly.

I wish I could go back to college.
Life was so simple back then.
What would I give to go back and live in a dorm with a meal plan again!
I wish I could go back to college.
In college you know who you are.
You sit in the quad, and think, "Oh my God!
I am totally gonna go far!"

How do I go back to college?
I don't know who I am anymore!

I wanna go back to my room and find a message in dry-erase pen on the door!
Ohhh...
I wish I could just drop a class...
Or get into a play...
Or change my major...
Or do my T.A.

I need an academic advisor to point the way!
We could be...
Sitting in the computer lab,
4 A.M. before the final paper is due,
Cursing the world 'cause I didn't start sooner,
And seeing the rest of the class there, too!
I wish I could go back to college!

How do I go back to college?
I wish I had taken more pictures.
But if I were to go back to college,
Think what a loser I'd be-
I'd walk through the quad,
And think "Oh my God..."

"These kids are so much younger than me."

If You Like Joy!

2008-06-11T13:40:00.000-04:00

Going Off the Rails on a Crazy Train

2008-06-10T14:35:00.002-04:00

Its been one of those days wherein I sit and consider myself and my life. That never ends well, such a deep level of introspection. It makes one really consider ones life choices and ones place in the universe. Hardly happy time. Deep Thoughts are really best left to those who are accustomed to them. Me, I tend to think happy, light thoughts. Such as: I like zebra print. I wonder where that pen went. Can the fishes see it’s snowing? Etc.

Therefore, Deep Thoughts, when they do find their way into my consciousness tend to hit like a bag of garbage dropped out of a 3^rd story window onto concrete. Big, splashy, smelly, and unwelcome. Plus they then seem to seep into every other thought. “I’m hungry” becomes, “Why am I hungry again? Am I really so fat as to need food every 5 hours? And what’s to become of all the starving children in Africa?” Such things make it really difficult to enjoy ones lean cuisine.

Basically, as soon as the starving children, in the country of your choice, are introduced its all over for the happy thoughts. Happy thoughts tend to shrivel like a snowflake on a toaster in the face of thoughts like, “What am I doing with my life? What paths did I take to end up here? Do I really want to be here? Where do I really want to be anyway?”

Too deep for the likes of me. Good thing I’m eating Mexican food and watching Audrey Hepburn and Cary Grant run from spies tonight. Things such as that have clear answers, namely, “Yes, I do like my meal” and “Is that the bad guy?” clear cut, no gray areas, and everyone is happy at the end.

WWJJD?

2008-06-09T11:34:00.006-04:00

Q: What Would Joan Jett Do?

A: Rock Hard!

Backstory: one of my friends is really into searching the paper for Things To Do (caps intended). She tends to find things that I am not particularly interested in or are too expensive for the amount of fun I would get out of them. However, sometimes she totally scores. Her most recent score was to inform me that Joan Jett and the Blackhearts were playing at the Fairfax County Fair. Yes, I know, Joan Jett should not be reduced to playing a county fair, but the crowd was enormous and I think Joan and the various Blackhearts had some fun.

Tickets to the fair were $7.50 ahead of time or $10 at the door/gate. Lauren bought both hers and mine ahead of time, and I dragged my dad along after much nagging, and he bought his ticket at the door.

Joan et al were set to play at 8, so we got to the stage at 7:10. My mama raised me right, you get to things early. Which is perhaps why we got to sit in the 5^th row of seats, behind the crowd at the base of the stage (which is where I wanted to be, but I had Dad with a bad knee and Lauren who is roughly 84 years old).

Let me say that Joan Jett, despite being as old as my father, is hot! Seriously. She was rocking a pair of hiphugging leather pants and a bikini top. That’s it. The end. She is still rocking the semi-mullet that is dyed far too black, and the heavy duty eye makeup. On the street or in a concert crowd, this would look trashy, on stage and because she is Joan Jett, it looked super cool.

Basically she rocked. She did old favs (Bad Reputation, Love Stinks, Crimson and Clover, I love Rock and Roll, the Mary Tyler Moore Theme), and new stuff from her new album ‘Sinner’* (Androgynous, Change the World, Riddles, Little Liar). As she was wrapping up, a storm on the distance threatened to encroach on the show, lightning bolts were clearly visible and lighting the sky, though there was no rain. The best part was that when she did the “AOW” from I love Rock and Roll, a huge lightning bolt lit up the sky and the zig zag was visible. Now that’s rock and roll!

*Joan explained that when one mentions the name of the new album, one must also shake ones finger and look accusingly at those around you. Sinner!

The Blackhearts were also entertaining to watch. Specifically the lead guitarist. He was a great guitar player, and also seemed to have studied “How to look like a Rock God in 10 Short Lessons”. He had all of them pretty well mastered. The Jump From the Amp, The Really Wide Stink Bug Stance, The Windmill, The Jump Too High and Almost Knee Yourself In the Nose, and plenty more. Quite entertaining. Plus Lauren named him Lucille 2, a brownish area with points.

Joan even had her own mirror holder. Yes indeed, her Keyboadist came out with a full length mirror and a towel sos she could attend to her running eye makeup. Afterwards she addressed the crowd saying, “I have my own mirror carrier. Now that’s a diva."

Now that's Rock and Roll!

Spontaneous is my Middle Name!

2008-06-06T08:43:00.003-04:00

Sometimes being a grownup sucks. Yes. But! And that’s a big but (geddit), sometimes being a grownup is a little bit cool. You see…

Yesterday at work a company wide email was sent around by someone whose name I did not recognize. The email was one sentence, simply that he had 2 tickets to that nights Nationals/Cardinals baseball game, the seats were in the outfield, lower level, they were in the kitchen and it was first come first serve. I needed a refill on my coffee anyway, which is pretty much my default position at this point, so I wandered into the kitchen. There were the tickets, as promised, taped to the refrigerator. No one else about… snatch. Mine! So, my mom and I went to the Nats game on only a few hours notice!

The game was great, and the seats were decent. In fact the seats were great, my only issue was that we were sitting exactly underneath the JumboTron®. So, we could see the game, but not any instant replays, and the only scoreboards we could see were the skinny side ones. That’s OK though, because part of me liked that. I was watching the game. In live action real time. I didn’t have to be glued to yet another screen.

There were a few “close calls” as in I said “eep” and covered my head with my hands, certain that I was about to be knocked unconscious with a stray flyball. But no such thing occurred. Everytime the ball came near us the outfielders caught it and saved my life.

Sitting in front of us at the game was a cute little Irish family, clearly tourists. Mom, Dad, and 3 little boys. Over the course of the game I caught all their names, Patrick, Brian, Sean. Irish if I’ve ever heard one! Also, my joke was that the children were a Neapolitan. One had brown hair, one had striking red hair, and one was blonde. The blonde Sean was about 3, and cranky. But also giggly. It was pretty clear that he was a generally happy child, but it had been a long day. He “wanted” a lot. As in “I WAAAAAAAAAAAAAANT IT!” but that’s OK. He was too cute for me to get annoyed at all. In fact, when Dad and older brothers went to buy souvenirs, blonde Sean and I started to play a game with his program and the convenient holes in the back of his seat. Little kids are so easily amused.

Mom and I had to bail at the end of the 9^th inning. The game ran to 10 innings, but we had to go in order to be home at a less obscene hour. On the train on the way home, someone had an iphone/blackberry, and was keeping us updated. The Nats won. Natch.