The seasons of my life

So last night on the way to my apartment from my parents house the song "Landslide" came on the radio. I sang along and realized as I sang that the song's sad lyrics weren't making me sad. Usually when I hear "Landslide" it inspires somber reflections on what the lyrics mean in the context of my life, bringing up questions I harbor with much more poetry than I could ever come up with.

But last night the lyrics that usually strike me the hardest were those I sang loudest and with the most gusto. "Time makes you bolder, children get older, and I'm getting older too" and "Can I sail through the changing ocean tides? Can I handle the seasons of my life?"

I don't know what specifically about last night or about the lyrics that I know so well combined to make the song somehow life-affirming, but they did.

I was sitting here at work without anything to do so I thought I'd see if facebook was allowed here. It is and so I started playing around on facebook and I remembered that I had yet to read the notes about Sara's custody battles surrounding her step-daughter.

I must say that I was expecting them to be heartwrenching, but they were even more than expected. The poor child is being kept against her will with an abusive and emotionally absent mother who kidnapped her and forces her to lie to all child welfare representatives. The mother herself has lied so convincingly in court and so warped the poor girl as to make her lie too and paint her father as the villian. Though I can't honestly say that my encounters with Sean have been warm, he is most likely incredibly shy, made up for by Sara's open and kind nature. They are both very loving people, and the pictures of the three of them on facebook make me really sad that the little girl has had to spend any time away from them and in the company of her mother, much less 3 months.

I usually have such a trust in and respect for the legal system in this country. Yes, I roll my eyes with the rest of the world at people suing because their coffee was too hot, but I fervently believe in the idea that right will out. This situation makes me so sorry and so worried about the little girl that I have met only once. I truly wish there were something I could do to fix it, but I know that there really is nothing, and commiserating with Sara will likely bring up more feelings of disgust or frustration rather than alleviating them.

In reading Sara's words about the frustrations and fears and true horrors that have happened to their little girl, I had to think about my own childhood. Yes, everyone knows that there are abused children, but I dont think it ever hits home until you have actually met one and can really see the affect. I kept thinking about her life when she grows up. Will she be able to move on? Will she become an advocate for children's rights? Will she carry the scars with her in her heart, never telling anyone? Will she get so beaten down by life that she becomes her mother? I really hope that she can somehow put the past to rest, understand that her mother was not/is not well and that nothing she did ever warrented such reactions.

The thing that struck me most was Sara's description of the outcome of the first hearing. "She slept against my side in the waiting room. When we heard the decision she started to cry and scream. She kicked and screamed at her mother and then she clung to me for dear life."

I don't really have a connection between "Landslide" and the child custody battles, but I guess my connection is that I hope that everyone involved quickly gets a peaceful resolution and that she can handle the seasons of her life.

UPDATE: Sara's facebook status is was updated only a short while ago and says: "Wagons East with Baby Girl in the back seat!!!" Phew...