Sophia was bored. Ever since her stroke her daughter had kept a very close eye on her, going so far as to move her out of her own home! Left alone all day with just an orderly for company to remind her to take her pills and do her physical therapy, Sophia was desperate for something to occupy her time not to mention her mind. So far she had knitted dozens of scarves and was thinking about branching out into more complex projects, but being alone in her own head was becoming bothersome. Television was getting monotonous, audiobooks were nice but her granddaughter kept blathering on about podcasts and who knew what that was.

Sitting in her back bedroom, Sophia sighed and grabbed her cane to make her way to the bathroom. It was almost pill time and she knew that Michael the orderly would be looking for her soon. Best take care of business before he came lumbering down the hallway with his false cheerfulness. Before she got out of her chair she changed her mind. She’d rather walk in the garden for a while, it was such a nice day and her daughter always chastised her for walking on the path. She could hear Dorothy’s voice now, “it’s uneven, Mummy! What if you have a fall?!” That was Dorothy’s problem, always worried about what could happen, never one to go on an adventure. Far from her namesake, Dorothy would simply never undertake a trip to the Emerald City.

Sophia smiled thinking of her favorite book from her girlhood. What a lark! Thinking about going on an adventure at her age. The best she could do was the bottom of the garden and look for the fairies.

She made her way down to the fence and turned to overlook the garden. A lovely, English country garden, messy in its way, but lovely to those who appreciated that specific kind of barely contained wildness. The bees buzzed and hummed and lulled Sophia as she closed her eyes and felt the slight breeze on her skin. Down the path came Fizzle, her ragged old tomcat that she had insisted that Dorothy let her bring. Life wouldn’t be worth living without Fizzle, though he sometimes reminded her of the cowardly lion. All swagger and bluster but when faced with an enemy he ran and hid behind her legs.

As she watched Fizzle saunter towards her a strange shimmer seemed to appear in the air. The buzzing of the bees became louder and took on an eerie quality. For a moment Sophia panicked, was she having another stroke?  As suddenly as it started the shimmer vanished and the buzzing returned to normal. Perhaps she should go back into the house, she thought, the sun was obviously not agreeing with her. As she turned to look at the garden once more before heading back inside she head a tiny voice near her feet.

“Did it work?” the voice was hesitant.

“We’ll find out soon enough”, a huskier voice replied.

Sophia looked near her feet for the speakers, chastising herself for being so foolish. It was an immediate reaction to look for the source of the sound but was she really looking for fairies at the bottom of the garden? What nonsense. If Dorothy found out she would be whisked away to a home before you could say “incompetent”.

Scowling at her own brain playing tricks on her, Sophia caught a flicker of movement. A small woman, the size of a toy, was looking at her from beneath a flowering bush. When Sophia’s eyes widened at the sight, the woman moved tentatively closer.

“Grandol! I think it worked! She’s looking right at me!” the small woman declared, tiny eyes never leaving Sophia’s.

At her words a toad-like creature slipped into view. This was obviously male, nature would never do such a thing to a female.

“Excellent work Prielie!” he croaked. “And on your first try! Well done!”

Sophia straightened up and blinked furiously. She glanced back but the two were still standing near her feet, watching her intently. Before she could put her thoughts in order, Fizzle came streaking past her and pounced. The small woman and the toad-man vanished and Sophia yelled for Fizzle to stop. She hated when he picked on small creatures, even if they were figments of her imagination. He heard her yells and turned his lamp-like eyes on her.

“You never let me have any fun”. The words appeared in her head without the courtesy of using her ears.

“That’s it!” she thought to herself, “I have gone mad”

Fizzle sat down to wash himself, seemingly ignorant that she had heard him in her head. Natural curiosity won out, however, and she decided to investigate further.

“Fizzle?” she hesitantly asked.

“What?” he replied petulantly.

“Can you understand me?” He turned from washing his back and sat facing her on the garden path.

“I can always understand you, you mad old woman.” He flicked his tail.

“well, there’s no need for name calling” Sophia stood up to her full 5’2” and peered down her nose at him.

“Name calling!” he harrumphed. “Look who’s talking. Named me ‘Fizzle’ like I’m the end of a firecracker. Nothing close to the respect I deserve”

“I named you ‘Fizzle’ because you are always dashing about like your tail is on fire, you mad beast!”

“That’s right, I am a beast. Best you remember it!” Fizzle set about washing again when the toad-man reappeared and shot a bolt of light right at Fizzle. He yelped and dove behind Sophia’s legs, hissing at the man from the safety of his hiding spot.

“Fierce jungle beast, you are”, Sophia chuckled.

“Madame,” the small man was addressing her directly now and attempting a bow, though his body was in a perpetual crouch anyway so it was hard to tell. “We have come to take you to your destiny, our land has been plagued by terrible war and you must return with us to fight the evil”

Sophia issued an unladylike snort. Perhaps she was having a dream, though her dreams never seemed to be quite so realistic as this.

The small woman now joined her cohort. Obviously more wary of Fizzle she remained a step behind the man and fidgeted with her fingers, twisting them around and eyes darting around. “Please!” she squeaked. “You must! It has been foretold to us”

“It matters not” the man turned suddenly sharp, “We will take her, she will lead the uprising!”

The haze was coming up, more gradual now but denser than before. She saw Michael the orderly hurrying towards her with her pills and a mug of tea, his eyes wide.

Suddenly she was jolted and her feet landed on hard ground. She gripped her cane madly and hoped that she wouldn’t fall. Dorothy would be so cross.

Year In Review: 2013


1. What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before?
Attended a Con.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next this year?
I almost kept last years. My 2014 will be the same; the quota

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Does the neighborhood feral cat count?

4. Did anyone close to you die?
not that I can remember... guess they weren't that close to me

5. What countries did you visit?
New Jersey. That is clearly a different country :-)

6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?
Money, men, skinny-ness

7. What dates from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
November when I went to Salem and visited with Klaus and Mimi and we saw many historical and Bostonian things!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Keeping my job...

9. What was your biggest failure?
not keeping up with my quota

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Other than some colds... no. I don't think I even go the flu this year...

11. What was the best thing you bought?
my new DVD player in my room that has wifi. I can watch YouTube and Netflix and Hulu from my bed!

12. Where did most of your money go?
Bills... beauty... books...

13. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Going to BOSTON! 

14. What song will always remind you of 2013?
The Ceiling Can't Hold Us by Macklemore. Just judging by how often it was stuck in my head

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder?
probably a little sadder. 

b) thinner or fatter?
a tad fatter, but only because I've gained back like 5 pounds of the weight I lost with Weight Watchers

c) richer or poorer?
about the same

16. What do you wish you’d done more of?
hang out with friends

17. What do you wish you’d done less of?
watch tv alone in my house

18. Did you fall in love in 2013?
only with myself! kidding... no.

19. What was your favorite TV program?
I'm thinking either Community or Parks and Rec. I also still super love New Girl and my newest obsession Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries

20. What was the best book you read?
Royal Spyness Christmas book.

21. What was your favorite film of this year?
I liked Monsters U and Despicable Me 2. RIPD, Catching Fire, and, of course, the Hobbit.

22. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Took a long weekend at the beach and I turned 28

23. What kept you sane?
coffee and TV

24. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Benedict Cumberbatch!

25. Who was the best new person you met?
Stacey!

Ode to the perfect bag

Once, long ago, I bought the perfect bag. And now I've lost it.

Let me back up. I was going through a particularly rough patch in my life and was about to head to NYC for a day trip with a frenemy. I needed a new purse so I cruised to the mall (this was before I bought all of my purses exclusively online and with coupons). I was pretty sure I was about to get fired from my job, and so I was (inexplicably) not at all conscious of a budget. I went to Urban Outfitters. I know, I'm sorry. But in that time and in that place, it felt like a good idea.

I spent far too long hemming and hawing over their selection of bags but, finally, decided to just go with the first one I had seen and make it work. It was $50 and I figured I would use it once.

You guys, let me break this down for you. This purse was (and is) amazing. It is a distressed purple leather that is as soft as a baby's chubby legs. It has one large interior with smaller pockets in the lining. The exterior, however, has two zippered pockets ON THE SIDES! not on the flat, wide sides. Oh no. On the sides where the handle connects. That means that you can keep your SmartTrip card on one side and your work badge on the other (thus eliminating the possibility of demagnetization). These two pockets are, at first glance, about the size to fit a SmartTrip card or work badge. Upon further inspection, however, they are really large enough to stuff in an entire ziploc bag full of cheerios (for those road trip snacks) or 4 (FOUR!!) regular sized KitKat bars (same reasons...)

Then we get to the handle, oh the handle! It is single thick leather purse handle. BUT! it has a mechanism that lets you adjust its length. One may, for example, change ones purse from a one shouldered apparatus to a cross-body, bandolier style WHILE WALKING THROUGH TIMES SQUARE. I really feel that this cannot be emphasized enough. This bag is so versatile that, after one had packed it full of cheerios and KitKats (and all the rest of my regular purse miscellany) I could decide WHILE WALKING ALONG that it was too heavy and I needed to redistribute the weight. My back was eternally grateful.

Finally we come to the zipper. Oh yes, there's a zipper. An industrial strength, large toothed zipper that would have required feats of Herculean proportions to even attempt sabotage. This thing would zip over a finger if given the chance. NOTHING would make this zipper stick. And, just because we are the best purse in the world, the supple leather had enough give that I'm convinced I could have packed a week's worth of clothes in that thing and that zipper would still have zipped up. And scoffed at my attempt to thwart it.

It has been a long time since that purse and I travelled to NYC, but it is still the purse I reach for whenever I need a bag to use as a tourist. I've taken it to London, Edinburgh, and all over these United States. It has never failed me.

I am gearing up for a trip to Boston at the beginning of November and, of course, I am planning on taking my purse. AND I CAN'T FIND IT. To be completely fair, I haven't put the hours in to looking for it. I've spent probably a total of 20 minutes on the hunt for it, in two separate houses, but it's not where I was expecting it to be. And now I'm freaking out. I need my purse! I don't even know the brand, why would I??? It has never not been there. Before the month is out, I vow that I will turn both houses upside down and I will never again let my purse down like this.

I don't know if there is a patron saint of amazing purses, but if there is, someone with better saint-cred, please help and send up a sacrifice so that my purse and I can be reunited! I miss it so...

Lazy Fashionista

This is a weird post to write. Mostly because its going to sound braggy, which I don't like. Essentially, I wanted to share what I've learned about style and fashion as I've grown. I know several people (no names!) who have asked me about how I went from the girl who wore tee shirts and jeans exclusively to the worker bee in a law firm in Georgetown. There are a few basic "rules" that started me off and once you get those rules down pat, you can really disregard them.

Disclaimer: These rules apply to when you are trying to look good/put together. If you are shlubbing around the house on a Saturday, I won't judge.

1. Look for pieces that are interesting. This is my main rule. Pieces that are interesting make an outfit interesting without any extra work from me. Putting on a beautiful sweater with intricate detailing takes as much effort as pulling on a tee shirt except suddenly you look pulled together and amazing. If the piece is interesting, the look is interesting.

1a. That being said, don't over do it. My rule is: only one interesting piece per outfit. So if my top is intricate in some way, the bottoms are plain. and vice versa.

2. Blacks and Browns. Don't do it. This rule is one of those that can be ignored once you have a base line of style. I often mix browns and blacks now. When I started this journey it looked horrible. The same goes for mixing prints.

3. TAILOR! This is one of those not-so-lazy steps. You can have an amazing garment but if it doesn't fit you correctly you'll look like a sac. I've come across A TON of tutorials on Pinterest about how to tailor your own clothes, and really, any proficiency at all with a sewing machine means you can do it yourself. My method is actually pretty lazy. I take a shirt that I know fits me well, I lay it on top of the ill-fitting garment and I mark the lines with chalk. Then sew up the chalk lines. This works particularly for me because I have big boobs and a smaller waist. If things fit my boobs, they are generally far too big for my waist and hang awkwardly. 15 minutes with my sewing machine and viola! new garment!

4. Short skirt with high heels. This is an inverse relationship. The shorter your skirt, the higher the heels. Maxis need flats, minis need platforms. Again, a rule that is made to be broken, but go carefully.

5. Know thy body. Seriously. I classify myself as an infinity symbol. Or, to put it another way, an hourglass with extra minutes. I have a trimmer waist but a very full bust and hips. Shift dresses look terrible on me. Wrap dresses work. Click here for a great breakdown on what styles work best on what body type.

6. Accessories. Don't run away! Its ok. just breathe. better? OK. Accessories are not to be feared. I promise. There are the ones that everyone's mother went to, necklaces and earrings. Which are great! I think the right pair of earrings can really make or break an outfit. Same with necklaces. Here's a cheat sheet for which kind of necklace goes best with which kind of neckline. The accessories I want to talk about are belts and scarves. I was VERY wary of belts until recently, but they really can change an outfit. Proof. Also, try those big, weird necklaces that you've been mocking at the shop. They can actually do a lot for your outfit, they provide a focal point to what might otherwise be a very drab outfit. Story time. I got a "statement" necklace from a friend of mine for a christmas a few years back. It was something I NEVER would have picked out for myself. I can't even tell you how many times I've pulled out that necklace to change an outfit.

7. Combos. Here's where we get into a little more advanced stuff. Back to rule 1a. remember that if you have a crazy thing going on below, keep it a little more reserved on top. and vice versa. Here's a handy infographic to explain what I'm talking about. With combinations of colors on the bottom you immediately have WAAAY more outfit options. Don't be afraid of it. But do be wary. I have not found colored pants in anything but cigarette or skinny cuts. Those cuts do not flatter me AT ALL. So I have yet to buy any. But I do have plenty of colored skirts and I use them, oh how I use them!

8. Thou shalt not wear shirts with printed sayings or logos. Seriously. When you get to a certain age there should no longer be shirts with catch phrases or cartoon characters on them. Please. I beg of you.

9. Wear what you like, just in different ways. I had a tee shirt that I couldn't bear to part with, but, referring back to rule 8, I couldn't leave the house in it. It was a pickle. And then I was playing around on Pinterest and found these 2 tutorials about how to restyle old tee shirts. Amazing! Suddenly my old tee shirt from high school became a statement piece that could be worn out and about, even to work (on a casual day).

9a. Another piece of this rule is advice. If you don't love how you look in it, you probably wont wear it. And it is a waste of money. If you love a piece but don't know how to style it, buy it anyway, the style will come. My main loves in fashion are polka dots and cowl necks. I personally HATE turtlenecks and skinny jeans. So, though skinny jeans are "in" right now, I don't own a pair. Come winter, I wear cowl neck sweaters and lovely v-necks, no turtles. Just because it's "in" doesn't mean YOU have to wear it.

10. Be yourself. This one is so obvious it's almost not a rule. If you're geeky, be geeky. If you're sporty, be sporty. And so on. The thing about style is that there are so many different ways to be stylish, as many different ways as there are kinds of people. If you think you don't have a style, you're wrong. You are your style. I'm putting this badly. There are 2 quotes that I think really say this better. "Style is a way of saying who you are without speaking"- Jean Cocteau  and "Style is very personal. It has nothing to do with fashion. Fashion is over quickly, Style is forever"- Ralph Lauren

Year In Review


1. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?
Heard Jewel sing. and Yodel


2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next this year?
I almost did! I almost made it through my quota this year, and I've made a new one for 2013


3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
There were some births but none that were particularly close to me. As in, I haven't met the kid(s) yet.







4. Did anyone close to you die?
I don't think so


5. What countries did you visit?
None. Not even a new state this year.

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
More willpower to lose weight!


7. What dates from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Unfortunately the Newton Mass. shooting because it will be on the nation's memory. Also Dec.1 because that's when Kittle and Fred tied the knot!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
lost 20 pounds with weight watchers!

9. What was your biggest failure?
not keeping to my quota. I will try MUCH harder in the new year

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Wicked flu a few weeks ago. And of course my dad's stroke.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
fancy makeup. After years of people telling me that spending the money is worth it, I finally did and they were right!

12. Where did most of your money go?
Bills. Makeup. takeout.

13. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
That Obama won a second term.

14. What song will always remind you of 2012?
"All I need" by AWOLNation.

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder?
I don't actually know...

b) thinner or fatter?
a little thinner!

c) richer or poorer?
poorer. But not by much

16. What do you wish you’d done more of?
fulfilling my quota

17. What do you wish you’d done less of?
worry about things I can't change.

18. Did you fall in love in 2012?
nope

19. What was your favorite TV program?
leverage, new girl, doctor who, firefly, the Newsroom

20. What was the best book you read?
I can't think today. I can't think of any new favorites that I read in 2012. there must be some...

21. What was your favorite film of this year?
The Hunger Games, Avengers, Argo

22. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Took time off from work, lazed about, went to the beach. I was 27

23. What kept you sane?
Humor

24. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Probably still Christian Kane from Leverage. And Obama. My love for that man just keeps growing.

25. Who was the best new person you met?
Sarah Rooms. She's pretty awesome.

Pumpkin Head

Years and years ago my mother used to call my brother "pumpkin head". I was thinking about that this morning as I ate my breakfast.

See the thing is that its fall. And come fall we get all kinds of things 'round these parts. Leaves are turning, the air is getting cooler, my allergies are at defcon 4, and pumpkin flavored EVERYTHING abounds.

I love pumpkin pie. LOVE. IT. But, I don't think I actually like pumpkin. My aunt once made pumpkin stuffed ravioli and I didn't like it. Once you remove the cinnamon and ginger and sweetness from the equation I am not interested.

Which is one of the things that makes fall awesome. Things aren't ACTUALLY pumpkin flavored. They are Pumpkin SPICE flavored. Which I enjoy.

In my house right now I have the following:
Pumpkin pancake and waffle mix
Pumpkin spice coffee
Pumpkin Butter (like Apple butter but, you know, pumpkin)
Pumpkin spice coffee syrup (for when the actual pumpkin spice coffee runs out)

I wonder if there's a disney short about someone who ate so much pumpkin that they turned into a pumpkin. Kind of like the headless horseman but even more so.

Do We Still Need Books?

So. I read an article this morning with this title, and I have to say, the fact that it is a legitimate question worries me. It made me think about all kinds of things that, frankly, I'd rather not. Like the fact that I am an avid reader and book supporter, but I do love my new Kindle. Like the fact that I will buy books just to "have them" and not read them (hello "Wind in the Willows"!*), or the fact that I firmly believe that I will NEVER have enough bookcase space. Ever.

I worry about the fact that taking a Kindle on vacation or to the beach is legitimately easier than hauling around 5 physical books. But I love physical books. I love the heft. I love the smell. I love the texture of the page. I love to buy used books because they seem to me to be older souls, they've been loved and they've been read, and I am just a part of their history, just as they may become a part of mine.

I love buying books for $.01 on amazon, I love buying books for $1 at book fairs. I hate that the modern school library is slowly but surely becoming a "media center" with more computers than bookshelves.

This is a seriously fraught subject for me. As anyone who would actually read this would know, I come from a VERY literary family. My name is from literature. BOTH of my brother's names are from literature (that is my one brother's two names. First and middle. I do not have two brothers.). As a thought experiment (or maybe he was just bored) my brother once counted all of the books in ONE room in my parents home. 1300. not counting the books on the over the door rack (i'm pretty sure it was supposed to be used for canned goods or movies or something, but my family used it as book storage. Makes perfect sense to me). Thats a lot of books. Like. A. Lot.

Books are important. A book is a tie to the papyrus scrolls of ancient Egypt or Babylon. A Kindle is not. What is the scene in Disney's Beauty and the Beast when you realize that they are meant to be? Does the Beast hand her a loaded Kindle? NO. He gives her a library. Full of BOOKS!.

But (whines) I really like my Kindle. I can throw it in my purse and have a lot of reading material with me! I can decide in the middle of my day to switch stories and not be like Rory in Gilmore Girls**. I like that I can really personalize it and not be at the mercy of the covers dictated to me by the publisher. It has happened that I will avoid a book simply because the cover iggs me out (Tina Fey's "Bossypants" anyone?".

What is the answer? I certainly don't know. I hope that children are reading real books, but I don't know that, not having any to study nearby (children that is, not books. A careful reader will know by this point that I ALWAYS have a books to study nearby). I saw a distressing YouTube video of a baby playing with an Ipad and then her parents took it away and handed her a magazine. She was stymied. She kept trying to flick the pages, and had no idea how to TURN A PAGE! granted this was a 9 month old baby, but honestly. No one had ever given this child a book to chew on? NO ONE!?!? not even Pat the Bunny!??!! What is WRONG with people?!?!?!

Sorry about that. Sometimes I get carried away.

Anyway, I guess to sum up: books are good, but so are Kindle's. And I suppose as long as people are reading and using their (insert jazz hands) Imaginations then it's really a moot point as points go.


* I never liked that book. Ever. As a kid, I just hated Mr. Toad so much that everything else was erased from the book. I honestly couldn't tell you what its about. And I bought a copy at Target because it was only $2.50


** The one scene in either season one or two when she is trying to fit all of her school books AND all of her fun books into her backpack. She has a book of poetry in case she feels like that, a fiction book, a biography and at least one more that I dont remember. And she can't fit them all in. Much to her mother's enjoyment.