Take A Mint!

so theres this lovely elderly man who works at my office part time and he comes in usually about 2:30 or 3. His name is Patrick and he is the sweetest man!

Anyway, I've been really trying to get people to eat the rest of the gross mints that have been smelling up my desk and there are only 2 left. I told Patrick to take a mint and he was like, noo, i'll leave them for others, and i was like, take a mint, and hes like, no i have fruit in my lunchbox.

so i amped it up. TAKE A MINT in like a deep and scary darth-vader-y voice. And he growled! it was so cute!!

Happy Tuesday

Ding Dong the bitch is dead!

Let me walk you through my morning so far.

As you probably know, today is columbus day. The national holiday celebrating getting so totally lost that you 'discover' a new continent.

That also means that a lot of people are not in the office, though the office is open. I'm here because I need money and if I don't work, I don't get paid.

Missing today, among others, are the Bitchface and BigBossLady. But here's the wrench in the works, there were supposed to be 2 interviews today which Bitchface and BigBossLady were supposed to oversee.

The first one showed up, I called around to see who could possibly deal, no one could, so I was forced to send him away and have him reschedule. Not exactly the best business idea. But what could I do. I couldn't let him up without an escort, and even if I could, there would be no one to interview him. He'd just have to sit on his hands in the waiting area and watch people walk around.

Then, about 10 minutes after I sent him away, the BIGboss from England called. Asking what the hell was going on (basically). I explained and he asked to speak with Bitchface. She's not here. Well how about BigBossLady? She's not here either. When will they get there? They're both out on vacation days.

Yikes. He hung up. Another ten minutes later, BigBossLady calls. Asking, again, wtf. I explained and she asks if theres anyone in who can set up a teleconference. Not knowing who the hell in the office could do such a thing, I just read her the sign in sheet of who is here today. Not many. She finally gets an idea, asks to be sent to Sandra, who is lovely.

almost as soon as I hang up with BigBossLady, Bitchface calls. "OMG you should have called me, whats going on?" I explain. "I'm coming in for the second interview!"

30 minutes later, BigBossLady again, "Ok, this is how its going to go. Sandra aided by Harold are going to set up the teleconference. So when the second interviewee shows up, have her escorted by Sandra, take her paperwork, and slip it under my office door. Then call me to let me know that shes there"

OK, no prob bob. Done and Done. Though this whole while I'm stressed wondering how on Earth it will inevitably become my fault. Bitchface is like that.

about 10 minutes after 2nd interviewee shows up, BigBossLady calls again, just checking in. Harold wants to talk to her and so I transfer the call.

Harold comes out a few minutes later and is like, "oooh Bitchface in touble!" I, not hearing him the first time ask him to repeat himself and he spills the beans.

BIGboss in London is pissed at BigBossLady for dropping the ball in her branch. Understandable. But then I mentioned to Harold that I was worried that somehow I'd be in trouble.

"Oh, naw baby! You not in trouble. You just doin your job ya know? BigBossLady said that she was so grateful to us (harold, sandra, and i guess, me) because we going above and beyond you know. She mad at Bitchface."

SO! BIGboss is mad at BigBossLady. And BigBossLady is mad at Bitchface. It remains to be seen if Bitchface will be mad at me. But for now, Bitchface is in trouble with upstairs and I am not!

Ding Dong the Bitch is dead, which old Bitch? The wicked Bitch!

Oh My God, I am So PSYCHIC!

All day yesterday I had a scene from "the Office" in my head. It's the one where Dwight thinks it's Friday, when it's actually Thursday. Jim encounters Pam going to the bathroom and says the following:

"It's actually Thursday, but Dwight thinks it's Friday....soo...keep that going!"

That line was stuck in my head like all day. Then, sitting on the couch in my apartment, bemoaning the fact that nothing was on, I finally stumbled accross "the Office" on Fox. And guess which episode it was.

CREEEEEEPY!

Meet George Jetson

Most of us thought that we'd be driving flying cars by now, but don't fret -- at least there've been all kinds of wacky advances made in the world of food.

To name a few? Well, a 27-year-old inventor has created a contraption that allows one to (not even joking) grow their own meat. We're 100% impressed and about 90% grossed out.

Next, a biotech company, already in development of an appetite-suppressing gum, has revealed plans for a new chewy confection: stress-suppressing gum. Again, WHOA.

Finally, we have a British creation: the Hotcan. This line of portable meals features canisters that HEAT YOUR FOOD all by themselves! Very cool. Now WHERE are our flying cars?!

http://jezebel.com/5372171/7-things-i-loved-about-whip-it

Stranger than Fiction

Last night I was farted on by a man in a business suit.

Back up: My friend Lauren and I subscribe to a group on facebook called "I heart free Movies DC" I'm sure theres one in your town too. look into it.

Anyway, we get emails about once a day about movies that are free and free events happening around the city. Mostly we ignore them, unless its a movie that we really want to see, or that looks really cool from the synopsis in the email.

Last night we went to see "Whip It" a movie with Ellen Page (of Juno fame) and Alia Shawkat (from Arrested Development). It was about Roller Derby. And it was aweseome! Everyone has to see this movie. Its so kick ass. You walk out feeling like you could totally go ape shit if anyone tries to mess with you. Similar to the feeling that was once described to me by a guy friend after watching a Jet Li movie. Like, 'c'mon rascals and other unsavory characters! Try something!'

Anyway, so the film let out at about 9:30, we got free buttons and invites to go to a REAL Roller Derby exhibition on Halloween Night and Lauren somehow got a free tee shirt (Still very bitter that I didn't get one). We walked back to the Metro, got on our train, found two seats and planted.

There were a fair few people standing, as there almost always are, regardless of how many seats are available. One of the people standing near us was a business man reading a newspaper. About halfway through the ride we smell something truly awful. I asked Lauren if she pooted. She said, "no, did you?" I did not. The only other likely candidate was the business man, and we giggled at the idea.

About 10 minutes later we were pulling into a station and the business man casually dropped his newspaper. He bent over to pick it up and quickly scurried off the train. About 5 seconds later we smell it. He not only farted, you guys. He let one rip with a smell that would peel paint. And the way he did it was designed to make sure that the fart went directly into our faces. His bent over butt was literally inches from Lauren's head.

Seriously, I have not smelled anything that bad since the infamous Krispy Kreme Fart of 2006.