Countdown to Panic Attack

Well, the panic attack should be coming any day now, lets just hunker down and hope for the best. With Finals on the horizon and graduation looming ever nearer, my attempt to stop biting my fingernails is now a pipe dream. folly. However, when I'm not freaking out about most aspects of my life I am also trying to squeeze in as much "college" fun as possible (and of course by "college" i mean "irresponsible"). As a person with a Disney Princess Calendar, and a stuffed penis on my television, the idea of entering corporate America is a daunting idea. I do not find pantyhose comfortable (but really does anyone?) and therefore do not feel comfortable around people who do. Really what I'm thinking about most is the future; the great beyond. And where the hell I'm going to put all of my stuff, as it has been made devestatingly clear to me that my mother's living room is not to be taken over with my boxes this summer. so, i guess i'll chuck it all into the backyard and hope for a drought.

new and lighthearted rant

well well well. it looks like my old nemesis Physical Plant has come back to haunt me, and he is back with a vengence. Physical Plant is the section of the college that generally fixes things on campus. they mow and whack at weeds (that is they weed-whack and mow the lawn, they dont mow the weeds. to my knowledge), and they fix clogged drains. PP and i have had struggles in the past (they blow leaves in the fall at 8 am right outside my window, they are in and out of my bathroom to repair a drain, they deprive me of light while waiting for my replacement lightbulb to be shipped...etc.) But this week they have gone too far! the only days i can sleep in are mondays and Wednesdays. so far: Monday: Jackhammering and weed whacking at 8 am while i was really trying to get some much needed sleep. Wednesday: loud discussions in the hallway, including hearty guffaws (again at 8 am, why dont these people ever sleep????) followed by closing my bathroom until further notice, forcing me to wander to the other end of the hall while still in my PJs clutching a cup to fill with water to make that ever essential drink COFFEE, still bleary eyed and fuzzy tongued, only to run into the crabby maids who yell at you if you enter the bathroom while theyre working (read gossiping). fortunatly they really couldnt kick me out of the bathroom they were "working" on because there was really no where else for me to go. so i am waiting them out so i can make the walk past every door on the hall in my towel to go take a shower.

I HATE PHYSICAL PLANT!

The Streets of Heaven

This morning 32 people were shot at Virginia Tech, the largest death toll of its kind in the history of the US. I have been walking in a fog for most of the day, trying to make sense of what is truly senseless. In some ways I envy those people who can turn to religion. However, as someone who looks at religion more as an escape mechanism than anything else, I cannot in good conscience turn to an entity that i believe to be fictitious for comfort. There are so many things that I cannot understand, and so many questions that can have no answers. Why were these students killed? How can someone justify to themselves such a heinous level of violence against his fellow men? fellow students? My away message for the day was taken from a West Wing episode, with minor modifications made by myself to reflect today's events as opposed to those invented for a television audience.

More than anytime in recent history America's destiny is not of our own choosing. We did not seek nor did we provoke an assault on our freedoms and our way of life. We did not expect nor did we invite a confrontation with evil. Yet the true measure of a people's strength is how they rise to master that moment when it does arrive. Thirty-two people were killed a couple hours ago at Virginia Tech University; a dormitory and a classroom were attacked and the students and faculty therein mowed down. The streets of heaven are too crowded with angels tonight. They are our students and our teachers and our parents and our friends. The streets of heaven are too crowded with angels, but every time we think we have measured our capacity to meet a challenge, we look up and we're reminded that that capacity may well be limitless. This is a time for American heroes. We will do what is hard. We will achieve what is great. This is a time for American heroes and we reach for the stars.

A little patriotic for my general tastes, but it recalls in me that there may be hope for this world after all, that all is not necessarily lost, and that the actions taken by one troubled individual do not represent the whole. Times like these make me question my general assumption that people are good, that everyone has a common bond as a fellow citizen of the world. This gunman wouldn't even recognize his bonds as citizens of a common college campus. I wish I could say that the victims and their families are in my prayers, but since I cannot, offer a hope that from the chaos and pain of this tragedy comes a shape, a message from the universe, some hope for the future, because without hope we cannot live.